A Sinners Prayer

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned

I think back to the days when I did these things

And didn’t give a shit

But none of that

No, not no more

I want to reach Heaven’s Door

I was born with the key

I was born free

But somehow got sucked into the

Evils of society

People condemn

But you forgive

Yet you forgive

And still people sin

The Devil, he follows me

Wherever I go

He used to be my friend you know

That’s when I was low

Depressed as fuck

And no-one even knew

The pain I was going through

I used to scream myself to sleep at night

And I didn’t know you were there Allah

The nearest thing to me was Shay’taan

So I took his hand

And I ran with him

Played with him

Cried with him

Strayed with him

And then it hit me

Your light came down

Surrounded me and took my frown

I looked to your radiance and smiled

Then cried

Imagine I was doing all this

And then I’d died

No time to repent

A life hell-spent

But you came, you were here,

You never left

And I love you Allah

And I’m sorry for the bad things I’ve done

But my heart is pure and needs your love

So now when the Devil whispers in my ear

I remember that you are always near

But I’m still weak my Lord

This is fragile-strength

And there’s so much to do

So one day I can be there with you

Insha’Allah

So guide me Allah

I need you Allah

Don’t leave me Allah

And thank you Allah

For blessing me with so much more

Than I could ever ask for

Keep close to me Allah

I wanna walk through Heaven’s Door

So please take me down that road

Siraat Al-Mustaqeem

That’s the ultimate dream

And finally I’ll be free

The tables will turn

And instead it will be the Devil

That’s afraid of me.

“Say: O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Sûrah al-Zumar: 53]

The Birds & The Bees

It’s like I’m there

In a forest of despair

And I look towards the trees

I see a bear and bees

They all wanna be my friend

All vying for my attention

They’re kind, friendly

They genuinely care

But for some reason

And I don’t know why

I move towards the one

That will make me cry

He’s a crocodile

Everything I want

Swimming in a shark-infested pond

And I can’t swim

The future’s pretty grim

It’s like it’s bright

But everything’s so dim

Always go for the wrong one

That’s my problem

Goddamn

Spiderman

Fuck it, I’m on one

Well I’m actually not

Should be revising

But instead I’m devising

My plan to take over the world

Plans to save the world

But how to do that

When Facebook block me spreading my words

Can’t wait to go backyard

I beg you Mum don’t marry me off

I need to get away from the shit in my head

That probably won’t leave me until I’m dead

But it’s been so long

Since I've needed a change of scene

I need perspective

I need to dream my own dream

Come back and implement

After mixing cement

Lay down some concrete foundations

So glad I got my 'Spoon' still

No-one will ever understand that shit

That’s gone down between us

But I don’t care ‘cause you ain’t us

She was happy knowing I was crying

Inside silently dying

She stood there and watched while I burned in the flames

And now she burns in the jealousy of her rage

She can’t take it

She don’t want us to make it

But you see Daddy said look after me

And even after everything

I can honestly say he’s the only one that has

He’s still here

After all these years

A good friend

A best friend

They want it to end

But it won’t

‘Cause a bond like that just don’t break

Yeah there was an earthquake

A tsunami and a flood

Yeah he cut me open

Spilled my innocent blood

But I’m okay

I’m doing just fine

Now watch me take this shit covered dustbin

And make you see something sparkle

In a way you’ve never seen something shine.

No Way For Us To Ever Be Together

I tidied my room and sat on my bed

Then I saw it dangling and glinting

It’d kind of become part of the decor

But then I look toward everything it stands for

And I put it on

Everytime I feel alone I put that locket on

“To remind you that you are loved”

And I know he still loves me

As I still love him

It will never go away

But I’m ready to fall in love again

Maybe I’m searching too hard

Especially with men being the confusing creatures they are

Just be straight up about things

If you don’t wanna see me again

Say it

You don’t wanna speak to me again

Say it

Don’t not let me go and then not be arsed if I try and stay

I’m not desperate

I just want to know

Kind of letting things slide at the moment

As everything is part of Allah’s master plan

That’s how you gotta see it you know

Else you’ll go insane

I don’t know a good thing when I’ve got it

Well I didn't

I do now

I’m a dick like that sometimes

No-one will ever love me like he did

But if Allah writes out everyone’s partner for them

As people keep telling me

Then why did we fall in love when there was no way for us to ever be together?

He believes in re-incarnation

And I believe in life after death

Didn’t believe in life after love at one point

But now I do

I just don’t think I believe in love after love

Am I being greedy wanting it again?

There’s an absence of many men in my life

Grandfather, Father, Brothers, Uncles, Him

Where did everyone go?

23 years has sped by

It’s so scary

and yes I am scared

Scared yet excited

I wonder what this coming year will bring

Like I said to her earlier

My leaf may have already fallen

And this year may be the year I go

So in the end, it doesn't even really matter

Does it?

R.I.P. Pat Butcher

The wind she whistles loudly

Oh so angry with her lover

Breaking windows and smashing plates

Cursing her own mother

But why blame another

When it is he and she to blame

Why whistle so loudly

You’re driving me bloody insane

Life is hectic enough

So much to do

So little time

And still babies are being born

And others are ready to die

Started 2012 with a bang

First time away from home

But it was slightly weird

'Cause I missed being on my own

Stuck behind the IBM building

Never got to see the fireworks

Had to YouTube it the next day

I’m telling you that shit hurt

It cut deep

It burned

Oh well, there’s always next year

3 deaths already

It’s only been 2012 for 4 days

But I guess that’s just the way the cookie crumbles

That’s just how the tumble drier tumbles

That’s just how my mother mumbles

That’s Life

As Frankie says

Other Frankie also says relax

Kid on Got To Dance smashed it

Like he got a metal tree

And trollied it down with an indestructible axe

This month is gon’ be hectic

Already is

So much to write, promote and do

And find time to revise for an exam that’s poo

Not complaining

Just blessed

Actually, this snot needs to stop dripping from my nose

‘Cause it’s making the hair grow

In places it mustn’t

I hope I get to see him again

My London friend

I don’t rely on no-one no more

Reliance leads to disappointment

Expectation leads to regret

Rather just move on and forgive and forget

Can’t forget those crazy earrings though

Rest in Peace Pat Butcher

I know you’re only fictional

But I feel like I wish I got to touch ya

Not like that

Even though she’s a real-life lesbian

She was a massive part of the square

Literally

I really am gonna miss that shiny white hair.