Santa's In Dover

Just turned twenty three

Still not free from the bars of society

But free from the ghosts and the demons and the pain

Free from the nights that drove me insane

Free from the fear of getting older and older

Accepting life as a stereotype

Sitting between a rock and a boulder

Gonna bite your shoulder

Free from the shitness and fake friends that chat crap

Free from her, from him, the giant green hat

Smiling outside and inside too

Four divided by two equals two

Now I get how two plus two makes four

It all fits

The pieces of the puzzle

Cake and coffee with the man I loved

Who is now a friend

Knowing this is a friendship that ain’t ever gon’ end

He was there, and they came and went

Wasted time, love and money was spent

I got true people now and there ain’t many left

 But I am so grateful that these are the ones that I’ve kept

Glad for my family and others in my life

GONE for the girl I used to call my wife

Ha, I guess she’s learning now

Her birthday today

I don’t give two shits

It’s like she never even existed

Got 3 penguins, I swear down blud

Made me happier than the lizard in the bud

-weiser advert

People don’t believe me when I say I’m a penguin

But what they don’t get is I am whatever I want to be

I can be tea

A bee

A dee-vee-dee

You still cant judge me

I’m Sabah DQ

So much has happened this year

Including losing the letter ‘KUE’

But I’ll write about that soon

Christmas is over

Santa’s in Dover

On the way back to Vegas

For another year of drinking and sleeping and eating

Clever twat

They save that for one day

He does it the whole goddam year

Queer

Guess for now I gotta say I’m loved

And I’m grateful

And blessed

Not stressed

Stress in a good way

I’m feeling gay

Gay in the good way

Hello 24^th year of life

Alhamdulillah

Hoping I make it to 24 then 25

But since I’m alive I know I’ma die

Good night melting snowman

I’ll see you again

The next time I'm dressed as a chocolate hen.

King Kongs Ribena: A Story of Friendship

Fragile like a Ribena bottle

Made of steel

Gripped in the paws of King Kong

Squeezing, twisting, mutilating

Singing his own beautiful song

All the innocent bystanders don’t bystand

But hurry on past

Watching this beautifully nightmare-ish scene

Accompanied with shock and a whole load of gasps

The giant monkey looks down on this faultless sound

The Ribena bottle falls to the ground

There’s a silent CRASH

He eyes up an old man

Hurriedly trying to dash away

But the quick, brash monkey

Catches him in his grasp

Swings him in the air

King Kong is a mad-man

The old man stays silent

Helplessly flailing arms and legs

To scream he doesn’t dare

Just clasps onto the monkeys hair

And then what happened next

Nobody expected

King Kong took the man

Put him in the middle of his palm

Face to face 

Eye to eye                       

I spy with my little eye

An old man beginning to cry

He falls to his knees

And the monkey takes pity

Contemplates allowing him to return to his city

He takes his giant finger and strokes the old man

As if to reassure that he ain’t gonna hurt him

Desert him

Murk him

From that day on

The old man and King-Kong

Became better than best friends

The monkey was a monster

Old man was drawing to an end

There were more Ribena bottles

More talking grapes

More tolerance towards the love of an ape

For his best friend

The old, old man

Who from that point on

Never ever ran

He stayed by his side

And he stayed by his

Because that’s kind of, sort of what friendship is

But then one day

King-Kong had a craving

For the blood of a human being who’s ageing

He looked down and didn’t see hands and feet

He saw a chunk of thirst-quenching meat

King-Kong was hungry

Old man was a dummy

Old man ended up in King-Kongs tummy.

THE END.

Moral of the story: King-Kong is gon’ eat you no matter how ugly you are.

Taxman

So cold

The ice around my heart is melting

So old

Inside that office it’s sweltering

Walking down Market Street thinking about people

And life and stuff

Like I always do

You should know me by know

If you don’t know me by now

You will never ever know me

But get to know me

Well not really

People in heat probably crave cold

And the people in cold always crave heat

People who can’t walk crave new feet

And people who can’t talk...

*sigh*

Miss you Pua

The years flown by

6 months without you

And a whole year without Khalloo

Although I don’t really remember him

But still, it hurts

Truth hurts

Haters hurt

Ah they ain't haters

They just don't like you

I ain’t talking about me

We argued about whether ain’t is or isn’t a word

“Ain’t ain’t a word!”

Yeah it is though

It’s a colloquialism

Get over it

Goddammit

I ain’t a normal Asian girl

She ain’t a normal black girl

Which I think is kind of why we click

I like this life

I’ll like the next one more

Will I? Won’t I?

Insha’Allah

Ha Taxman paid me my money back

Money he stole from me in the first place

Twat

Wires sticking out my poor laptop

Time to take you to the hospital methinks

“How’s Annam?”

“We don’t speak no more.”

*shocked face*

“...but you two were so close!”

Ha, so GLAD this year is nearly over!

Virgin John

I wanna get a cabin

Made of logs among the snow

A place where just me and you can go

By me and you I mean me and me

‘Cause I’ve learnt how to love the one you’re with

And that’s me

Sometimes being a girl is so fucked up

And it hurts and you cry

But fuck it one day you’ll die

Hopefully leave a few babies behind

And it’s all worth it

Sometimes being a boy is difficult too

I’m a soldier, I’m a warrior, I’m the man of the house

Mate, put away the mouse

I’m VJ, I’m VJ

“You’re VIRGIN JOHN”

People are hilarious

Especially drunken folk

Using a bench as a table

And a knife as a fork

I missed my Sparkly Bullshit

So I’ve been talking to the voices in my head

Fred the Dead Redhead

But he’s real, I forgot

Calling me after smoking pot

Still got bare love for my brudddddaaaa

He’s my sister from another mother

It’s weird how someone I didn’t know existed 3 weeks ago

Exists now

Only God knows why and how

Left my Cross earring in the back of the car

With the Birmingham spar

Is it wrong, I dunno

If both parties consent?

Ah, I bet you think you know what I’m talking about

But I bet you really just don’t know

I’m so excited

Remember Allah when things are good

And when things are bad

To get the happy you gotta know the sad

To love the warmth you gotta befriend the cold

And love the friends of purest gold

The ones you know you’ll know when you get old

This time of year comes round

And I count the friends that made it through

Only a few

It’s a shame I lost two

But the two I lost I’m glad I lost

‘cause I didn’t lose, they did

No longer wanna be corrupted

Only got myself to blame for trusting strangers

When stranger means danger

And everyone’s a stranger

I’m so blessed, I’m happy

Gonna be 23

No longer scared

I’m looking forward

I think my eyes twinkle again

I found myself this year

I found love in my hopeless state

I found love in a hopeless place

And maybe I will love again

But right now I’m number 1

It’s all about loving me

And loving friends and family

Come at me TWENTY-THREE

I’m ready

Oh and who the fuck is Kolaveri Di???

Princess Gonozuela Banana-Hammock

So much can happen in just one week

Living without the internet I feel like a deeek

Disattached and just so far

From the world I’ve always known

I swear without the net

A couple inches I’ve grown

Inches or millimetres

We talk about ultimate crap

But at least I ain’t a crapbag

More Princess Gonozuela Banana-Hammock

Oh there’s so much to tell

Life is pretty swell

Alhamdulillah

Media, PR, business

All finally taking off

Building the tools to build my spaceship

To fly me to the Moon

Let me play alone with Mars

And Cars and Stars and Lawyers

And stuff

It’s all happening

Life is pretty good

But I’m nearly almost 23

Meh

Guess I’m blessed to see another day

Been through the shit factory

Pulled myself out

Escaped alive but still kind of smell

Ain’t my fault

Just get me Febreze as well as Lord of The Rings for Christmas

Oh no, we don’t celebrate that

Guess I’ma make do with a gat

Racist excuse for a human being on the tube

Sparked bare controversy I swear

Before I tweeted I thought ‘Do I dare?’

But why not, it’s true

British woman complains about foreigners invading her country?

OPEN YOUR FUCKIN’ EYES

Makes me laugh how delusional people are

How blinded they are

Yeah carry on worshipping Madonna

And that’s what you get

I want me a long black cloak too

Just don’t call me Ninja

Or I’ll singe ya

With my finger

Til the next time myself and the internet cross paths again

We will meet again

In a den

See you there

Bring gloves.

Golden Dreads

Finally one of the crystals fell out

Like the tooth fairy awaiting a new tooth to sprout

I smell curdled milk screaming like a freak

The fact that I even know that makes me a milk geek

Or maybe I’m more milky

Like the snow that hasn’t yet fallen

But who am I kidding

Like something grey that used to be golden

Gon’ get myself a spindle

‘n’ weave me some gold thread

Wrap it through my hair

I’ve always wanted dreads

And from the midst of my iPhone

Appears the ultimate stranger

Warning signals are going off

Alarm bells are ringing out

Danger

Danger

Danger.