They're Haunting Me

Sitting in this dream

And they’re haunting me

Waking up crying

And not even realising

But the pain felt so real

The way you did in my dream

Squeezing your cold frozen legs

Expecting you to sit up and scream

But you were lying there dead

Yet there was a beat in your chest

Didn’t know whether to shout someone or let you rest

And there they were too

Alive one minute

And gone the next

And then breaking the news to her

Is what got my heart vexed

Seeing her cry the way I did when you died

Got me feeling all screwed up inside

But it was a dream

It wasn’t even real

But the things that sometimes my subconscious

Makes me feel

And then there’s real life

And I don’t know how they relate

Is my dream trying to tell me my fate?

I’m so scared

I can’t explain why

I really don’t think I’m ready to die

The last time I dreamt like this

I rang him and cried

It was 4 in the night

But I woke up this morning

With tears on my face

Didn’t know who to tell

So stuck my head in my pillow

And choked back the tears

Not been that close to someone in over 3 years

I don’t really care anymore

But it’s times like that when I wish

The pain would just go 

and you’d walk through the door.

In This Bubble

I’m in this bubble and I’m running

Something’s coming

Or maybe not

Maybe it’s me running after you

Maybe this is how life has got

And in it we’re somewhere beautiful

Like an apartment in the skies

But I don’t know which sky or where

And in this dream you never die

You’re healthy and you’re smiling

Making me breakfast

Pouring me a glass

Of juice and I say thank you

But still I miss you

Even though you’re right there stood next to me

And the sunlight’s streaming in

But everything’s so dim

‘cause when I wake I realise

That in that moment when I open my eyes

You’re gone

You’re really, really gone

And there ain’t nothing I can do to bring you back

You’re in natures grasp

And it’s the way of the world

The story unfurls

You’re born so you’ll die

The only thing you can’t deny

I miss you

I wish you were here

But maybe you being there is your way of telling me

You’re proud of me?

It’s all I want

Your hand on my head

I want to kiss you goodnight before I go to bed

God fulfilled my prayer

I just wish you were there

I really wish you were there

But I’ve got a funny feeling that you had a word with the Big Man

My dreams are coming true

And maybe it’s because of you

Are you now my Angel

Protecting me with love

‘cause in this big bad ol’ world

There ain’t no one gonna do that for me

So maybe it’s you shooting these blessings at me from above

In 4 months time I’m gonna be there

Insha’Allah

The city of dreams

Please stay with me

But in a few days

I’ll be in the place

Where you took your last breaths

And you said all our names

You were in so much pain

And we weren’t there

How am I gonna do it

Maybe this is why I’m scared

Whatever happens, happens

It’s all Gods will

You’re gone but I’ll see you again

Maybe tonight

When I close my eyes to sleep

Thank you for visiting me

Miss you always Daddy Jaan

Until we meet again

Arr-Eye-Pee.

Stone of 'Trust'

Got this little black rock in my hand

It’s so cold, it hurts

But to think of everything I went through that got me here

To this point where I hold this stone and smile

She’d be so proud of me

The one who gifted it to me

“Take it” she said

“Let it remind you”

And it does remind me of the shit I went through

But it gives me faith

Gives me courage

Reminds me that I am loved

And now it’s actually happening!

That dream I told her about

It’s happening

And yeah I got my people that share my blood hating

But I don’t give a fuck

‘Cause it’s happening

Insha’Allah

God’s looking out for me man

He is

He’s there

You just gotta pray hard enough

Mean it from the bottom of your heart

And he’ll find you

Thank you to the little Indian woman

Who was a complete stranger

But who I shared my life and pain with for the best part of a year

I love you Rashmi

If you even remember me

You got me here today.

Gonna Die Tomorrow

We should have never let you go

We should have made you stay

But you booked it all and you did it

Plain and simple, simple and plain

And when the hoover broke today

It was the final straw

Sometimes I have days like this

It’s like I’m sitting in front of a door

Waiting for it to open

Now knowing what to expect

Yet feeling lost and broken

But I glued together the cracks

And I mostly did that alone

So why is there blood still seeping through

The hands of time clearly didn’t do the things

People say they’re supposed to

And now I sit here

Lost in a field of dreams

Good and bad

Nightmares that make me scream

And dreams that when I wake from

It feels like a nightmare again

Don’t know who to trust

Don’t know who’s a friend

But I’m all good

Really I am

Just kinda questioning what’s the point to all this

To the hurt, to the pain

The people that leave you

The ones that play games

We’re all dying to live

When we’re really only living to die

And if I died tomorrow

Would you shed a tear?

Would you cry?

Would those fake friends that fucked me over

Turn up at my funeral?

‘Cause in my heart I forgive ‘em

But pride makes people so ugly

That I bet they wouldn’t give a fuck

That’s the thing with me

Maybe I did expect too much from people

Because the way I was there for you

I’d want you to be there

If that were me

Forget it all man

Just forget it all

‘Cause now I’m finally free

Not tied to anyone

To him, to her, to them

I’m in it on my own

And that’s how it’s gonna stay

Right until the end.

Waiting Room

Complaining about the cold

When it’s warm inside

And there’s children across the pond

That have surely died

No food, no water, no shirts on their backs

But more faith in God

Of which we lack

Candles are burning

Heads are turning

And people are dying at football matches

Whatever happens does happen

What can you do

Whatever will be, will be

That’s true

And here I am worrying

For a future that may not come

A future never mine

After all

My whole life belongs to the Divine

To either  fly or to burn

I don’t know

One good thing could get me past those gates

But one bad thing could change my whole fate

And what are we working for

I  just wonder why

Sometimes I sit here and yeah, I cry

We’re here and we’re gone

Nothing but a waiting room

Until the train comes and takes us to our doom

‘Doom’ could be doom

Or doom could be glory

It’s up to us to determine our own story

Is it all even worth it

These things that I do

Why try and save the world

When really, what can I actually do

We’ll see what happens

Take each day as it comes

Watch each day as it goes

Every second is an opportunity to mature

And grow

Don’t take shit to heart

Keep working hard

And Insha’Allah you and He

Will never part.