Flawed Consciousness

Slice it open

Let it all pour out 

Like the rain from the clouds

But let your heart spill out

For You are the only One who will ever   understand 

Even I don't understand

As the tears pour from my eyes 

And my hands quiver

Raised in a perfect collaboration towards the skies

And still I don't understand

I just want to be healed

I want to be better

I just want to be the best version of me that is humanly possible

So that I can walk alongside You

Until I return to You

But I am a flawed human being

I guess that just makes me a human being

For I've made one too many mistakes

And sometimes my pride and ego consume me

I always have to be right

And sometimes I am envious

And sometimes I wish I was prettier/slimmer/better

Sometimes I am ungrateful

And many times I have been so very insecure...

But it is when I found myself broken and in pieces on the floor 

That I found myself knocking at Your door

And you found me lost

You guided me

But it is only now that I am truly aware of how I used to be

How I am

How the world is

I woke up

You gave me consciousness

This inner struggle is what's most difficult 

But I know that You will give me all the tools to enable ME to heal me

And sometimes I cry for no reason

And yet only You still understand why.

Sabah Ismail

27.11.14

Little Lizard Miracles

Miracles
You perform miracles
Every single day of my life
I begged You to guide me
and You did
To a path I never knew existed
But a path I now call home
But not really home
More like twists and turns and bumps in the road
More like bleeding hearts and broken soles/souls
But home
Because this is the path that will lead me to You
And you led us here
To this beautiful place
Filled with sunshine
Filled with love
A harmony and a peace between people
That I ain't seen for such a long time
Fills my heart with joy
Although tummy's been churning since we arrived
But we got here safely
And almost 2 weeks later
It's like we've never known anything else
Settling into another new temporary home
On this everlasting journey
But in this temporary life
And I see You everywhere
In the mountains I see Your power
In the sunsets I see Your stunning beauty
In the people I see You
I see me, I see everyone and everything
Because essentially isn't that what we all are?
A part of each other
Although apart from each other
Connected spiritually
We'll be together forever
For now I must sleep
While the boy sleeps
Pray for those little lizards to stay outside
But even if they come in, who am I to say anything
They were here first
and I'll soon be on my way
Further along the path
to reach You.

Sabah Ismail
10.10.14