Rotting Wood

How can you go from feeling so high to so low

Don’t know

Just don’t know why sometimes I feel this way

Like I just want everything to go away

Including myself

But why think like this

When I have the knowledge to be present

In every single moment

And how can I type or even think

With two little beings around me all day

And I wonder how I’ll cope when the elders go away

And sometimes I’m just silent

I don’t know what to say

Life is so blessed but I miss where I was born

And I know it will take some time to adjust

But it’s just so different this time

Feeling frustrated

Lonely

A bit trapped

A L O N E 

But there is no one to blame in that

I have control over my life and my thoughts

So must become more powerful

Cut through them like a saw

Cuts through wood, rotten wood

Remember the days when I used to be so hood

I feel so different

Different to how I was back then

But that’s life

It changes

The past is forgotten

But there are parts of me that miss who I used to be

I had that little spark of insanity

Crazy ideas, but I knew what I meant

And on changing the world I was hell-bent

But then everything changed

Marriage and kids came along

Made me grey before my time

Although I know my genes play a part

Tomorrow I’ll probably feel good again

Maybe it’s the heat

Being in one place

Noone to visit or to go and see

No one to adorn

C R E A T I V E  B L O C K

Just want to scream

Or cry

Cry and die

Don’t want to leave them

I do think about it sometimes

I couldn’t do that

Not to them

Not to me

Have to accept and believe

That His plan is what is best for me.

Rotten Coloured Penguin

Scrolling, scrolling

Energy, life, laughter

C O L O U R

Sucked away

Like coke through a straw

Sucked in

Making you sick

Sugar rots your teeth

Rots your insides

R O T T E N

But the past

That me

Must be forgotten

I am here

Right here, right now

This is me

The only constant is change

And boi, have I changed

Grateful for it all

Yet a little lost too

On this everlasting journey

Of reaching You

Crazy dreams

Waking me up

Sweating

Wanting to reach out

But there's only me

I'm my own saviour

My own hero

Ain't no one being that for me

So I said a prayer

And cradled myself back to sleep

And it's happening again

Another uncle in pain

But I guess this is life

Just tests in different ways

May God give him ease

And ease for us all

Counting our blessings

Against white, white walls

I'm still a penguin

Somewhere deep inside

Ready to give my love to everyone that wants it

I cannot hide

I miss her so much

Never got to mourn

But what's to mourn

When love is eternal

I just miss her hugs and our goodbyes

My angel

My two angels

My three angels

Four

I pray one day we will reunite

Inside the gates of heavens door.

S.I.09.03.15

Black & White Wounds & Light

Not a single person

Knows, understands, feels

These past two years

Reaching out

Calling out

Everything out

Falls on deaf ears

An enemy to myself

Confused, lost, hung up

In a maze with no end

No way out

In my head

Black and white

Wounds and lights

It's all there

The only One left is Him

So I call to Him

Answering my prayers

In gifts wrapped with thorns

I chose this path

I chose this way

There is no going back

I want so much more than this

I want to be free of want

I want to feel all my sorrows

And cry all of my tears

But laugh all of my laughter

Smile all my smiles

And embrace all my joys

To know that, I must let Love in

Everyday is a healing process

It's making me better

All of this

The struggles, hurt, pain

It's making me better

I have to remember that

The human process is all of this

I am not my skin

I am my soul 

Even though it feels like there is no one that understands

I have Him

I have Him 

I have Him

The only one I have ever really needed

The only one I ever really want to need.

S.I.07.03.15

Rooftop Strangers

When it feels like your mind has taken too much

Been through too much

To ever come back from it

And all of a sudden you're stuck in this hole

Screaming silently inside

Don't take me under, don't take me under

Don't make a noise though

Don't wake them up

Accept and move forward

Karma

Is it deserved? Was it deserved?

She opened my eyes to so much

Up on that african rooftop

Let it out

I let it out

Was my voice a stranger to me

Seems like I am a stranger to me

But the book I'm reading right now

Says to find yourself you must lose yourself completely

And I've definitely done the latter

So where am I

And who am I

But don't ever question why

Because this is all what it's meant to be

And these things are to strengthen me

And no matter who tries to break me

Even if it's the ones closest to me

I will not fall

No I will not fall

I will be the eye of the storm

I will be the middle path

I will be acceptance and forgiveness 

I will be consciousness

Just bear with me

While I try and take this weight off my mind first.

SI 19.01.15

Little Lizard Miracles

Miracles
You perform miracles
Every single day of my life
I begged You to guide me
and You did
To a path I never knew existed
But a path I now call home
But not really home
More like twists and turns and bumps in the road
More like bleeding hearts and broken soles/souls
But home
Because this is the path that will lead me to You
And you led us here
To this beautiful place
Filled with sunshine
Filled with love
A harmony and a peace between people
That I ain't seen for such a long time
Fills my heart with joy
Although tummy's been churning since we arrived
But we got here safely
And almost 2 weeks later
It's like we've never known anything else
Settling into another new temporary home
On this everlasting journey
But in this temporary life
And I see You everywhere
In the mountains I see Your power
In the sunsets I see Your stunning beauty
In the people I see You
I see me, I see everyone and everything
Because essentially isn't that what we all are?
A part of each other
Although apart from each other
Connected spiritually
We'll be together forever
For now I must sleep
While the boy sleeps
Pray for those little lizards to stay outside
But even if they come in, who am I to say anything
They were here first
and I'll soon be on my way
Further along the path
to reach You.

Sabah Ismail
10.10.14

Shrivelled Roots

Alone

But never alone

In a world so cold

Not cold

Shrivelling within

Need some water

Water my roots

Let me grow again

Wanting too much

Or wanting what's needed

Is it too much to ask 

Never too much to ask

He always listens

He always listens

Gave me what I needed

Not what I wanted

Not yet

Some days strong

Some days still strong but weak inside

They don't know

No-one knows

Everyday struggles

Everyday joys

Days like this I wanna roll up in a ball

Scream into my pillow

No one come running

Running

Running

Far away

Lost in thought

Lost in translation

Run towards the light

Envelop me I scream

Just want to be free

Free from myself more than anyone else

Just want to be free

17.10.14