Black & White Wounds & Light

Not a single person

Knows, understands, feels

These past two years

Reaching out

Calling out

Everything out

Falls on deaf ears

An enemy to myself

Confused, lost, hung up

In a maze with no end

No way out

In my head

Black and white

Wounds and lights

It's all there

The only One left is Him

So I call to Him

Answering my prayers

In gifts wrapped with thorns

I chose this path

I chose this way

There is no going back

I want so much more than this

I want to be free of want

I want to feel all my sorrows

And cry all of my tears

But laugh all of my laughter

Smile all my smiles

And embrace all my joys

To know that, I must let Love in

Everyday is a healing process

It's making me better

All of this

The struggles, hurt, pain

It's making me better

I have to remember that

The human process is all of this

I am not my skin

I am my soul 

Even though it feels like there is no one that understands

I have Him

I have Him 

I have Him

The only one I have ever really needed

The only one I ever really want to need.

S.I.07.03.15

D E S P A I R

The one who was closest

Judged me the most

Left when needed 

World upside down

Broken, broken

Do friends do that

I wouldn't know

No-one left close

Need no fakeness

Be polite, keep it civil

No need for much more

Follow a religion

Follow the rules

Worshipping out of fear

And not out of love

Where does that leave you

I'd rather love Him more than anything

And follow the essence

Than fake pray 5 times a day

To prevent me from burning in hell

To these people they're stacking 'em up

And stacking and stacking

It's all a game

Whoever gets most will go to the highest heaven

Do a sin

You deserve to be stoned

And you'll burn in hell

Do you not know my God is Love?

Do you not know my God is mercy?

Do you not know my God tells us to ask him for forgiveness?

Do you not know my God is ever-merciful?

Do you not know my God says do not judge?

Do you not know that my God is your God? The same God? Everyone's God?

Do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know?

I despair

Tears fall from these eyes

What happened to Islam

What happened to it

They focus on the outer

Totally neglect the inner

"Don't look at the hair on my head but look at this face caked in make-up"

"Don't grow your moustache over your lip,you'll go to hell"

"Don't pray with your foot bent like that, that's wrong, you can't pray like that, it won't be accepted"

DESPAIR

I have hope though

For He sent us the greatest example

And although they ignore the things most important about him 

I'll keep him alive

and pray that others will too

For the most important thing is to do good, be good and live good.

Right?

Sabah Ismail

01.12.14

Flawed Consciousness

Slice it open

Let it all pour out 

Like the rain from the clouds

But let your heart spill out

For You are the only One who will ever   understand 

Even I don't understand

As the tears pour from my eyes 

And my hands quiver

Raised in a perfect collaboration towards the skies

And still I don't understand

I just want to be healed

I want to be better

I just want to be the best version of me that is humanly possible

So that I can walk alongside You

Until I return to You

But I am a flawed human being

I guess that just makes me a human being

For I've made one too many mistakes

And sometimes my pride and ego consume me

I always have to be right

And sometimes I am envious

And sometimes I wish I was prettier/slimmer/better

Sometimes I am ungrateful

And many times I have been so very insecure...

But it is when I found myself broken and in pieces on the floor 

That I found myself knocking at Your door

And you found me lost

You guided me

But it is only now that I am truly aware of how I used to be

How I am

How the world is

I woke up

You gave me consciousness

This inner struggle is what's most difficult 

But I know that You will give me all the tools to enable ME to heal me

And sometimes I cry for no reason

And yet only You still understand why.

Sabah Ismail

27.11.14

Little Lizard Miracles

Miracles
You perform miracles
Every single day of my life
I begged You to guide me
and You did
To a path I never knew existed
But a path I now call home
But not really home
More like twists and turns and bumps in the road
More like bleeding hearts and broken soles/souls
But home
Because this is the path that will lead me to You
And you led us here
To this beautiful place
Filled with sunshine
Filled with love
A harmony and a peace between people
That I ain't seen for such a long time
Fills my heart with joy
Although tummy's been churning since we arrived
But we got here safely
And almost 2 weeks later
It's like we've never known anything else
Settling into another new temporary home
On this everlasting journey
But in this temporary life
And I see You everywhere
In the mountains I see Your power
In the sunsets I see Your stunning beauty
In the people I see You
I see me, I see everyone and everything
Because essentially isn't that what we all are?
A part of each other
Although apart from each other
Connected spiritually
We'll be together forever
For now I must sleep
While the boy sleeps
Pray for those little lizards to stay outside
But even if they come in, who am I to say anything
They were here first
and I'll soon be on my way
Further along the path
to reach You.

Sabah Ismail
10.10.14

Shrivelled Roots

Alone

But never alone

In a world so cold

Not cold

Shrivelling within

Need some water

Water my roots

Let me grow again

Wanting too much

Or wanting what's needed

Is it too much to ask 

Never too much to ask

He always listens

He always listens

Gave me what I needed

Not what I wanted

Not yet

Some days strong

Some days still strong but weak inside

They don't know

No-one knows

Everyday struggles

Everyday joys

Days like this I wanna roll up in a ball

Scream into my pillow

No one come running

Running

Running

Far away

Lost in thought

Lost in translation

Run towards the light

Envelop me I scream

Just want to be free

Free from myself more than anyone else

Just want to be free

17.10.14

Head Down / Light On

Little girl

Why so sad

This beautiful world is not all bad

Head down against the ground

The One that listens

He does not judge whether good or bad

Lay your head down

Speak to Him

He knows everything that hides within

A heavy heart

Eyes that bleed

Protecting you was my deed

I've let you down

Let them down

Do not worry

You shall be freed

Happy days aren't far away

Trust me when I say that

You can be everything

You are everything

And everything is there

Inside you

Flick a switch

Turn the light on

Suppressed anger

Turns to love

The world it will hurt you

Only if you let it

But do not break

Even when you sway

Even when you bend

Taught to be strong

From an age so young

A teacher called life 

Just for a short while

Here, then gone

Another life taken

Henning beheaded 

In the name of a God

Who doesn't want this

Using Islam to justify ISIS

Argh

This world 

It's people

The things that they do

What happened to wanting for your neighbour 

What you want for you

Still I smile

And you will too

You're more than my friend

I love you. 

Sabah Ismail

03.10.14

Life's Seesaw

In this eternal story

Why is it that we smile

If we are only to feel pain again?

Why do we have light

If we are only to succumb to black again?

Why do we open closed doors

If only for them to close again?

Why is that we run and keep running

If we are only to be beaten again?

Why is that we awaken

If we are only to sleep again?

Why is it that we love

If only to have our hearts broken again?

Why is it that we let go

If only to be left clinging on again?

Why is that we soar the skies

If only to break our wings and fall again?

Why is it that we swim majestically

If only to drown on poisons again?

 In this eternal story

Why is it that we begin

If we are only to end again?

--------------------------------------------

In this eternal story

We are loved in a way

That is a love like no other...

He gives us pain, because He loves us

So that one day we learn how to smile again

He gives us darkness, because He loves us

So we can crawl our way towards soul-warming light again

He closes doors, because He loves us

For us only to build new ones leading to where we’re meant to be

He gives us strength to keep running, because He loves us

To let the world know that it can’t defeat us or beat us again

He gives us sleep, because He loves us

So we can appreciate the beauty of opening our eyes once more

He lets our hearts get broken, because He loves us

To help us get our priorities straight and learn to love again properly, but even more

He shows us through our desperate clinging on

The soul-felt liberation that comes when we learn to let go

He breaks our mended wings again

To help us fly even higher than we ever thought

And when we let ourselves drown

He sends us lifelines to bring ourselves up to the surface again

And He does all this

Because He loves us

like no other.

So why is it that we begin

If we are only to end again?

Because when it comes to the end

That is when we truly begin again.

By Sabah Ismail

01.03.13

“He teaches us by means of opposites, so we have two wings to fly, not one.” – Rumi.

Rats & Jihaad

Sorry state of affairs

In everything I see

Turn to my left and I see them hating

To the right they’re making a mockery

Yet we sit here and we’re calm

Like it’s not really that big a deal

But don’t you see the injustice around you

Those going X Large

When some don’t even get a meal

Doesn’t something click

When you see that most of the world’s poor

Looks just like you?

Brown eyes, brown skin,

Like rats to them infesting the Earth

And really nothing more

They turned a whole generation against us

With some spoof scam

Making it out it was an act of Jihaad

When in fact we know better than that

We face Jihaad everyday

A struggle, fighting for our beliefs

But somehow deep within myself

I still really believe

That the people will rise

One day we’ll be free

Coming together as one

For the sake of humanity

All of this will be left in the past

I’m hoping it will make history books

But maybe I’m dreaming too far

And even if it doesn’t happen right now

Or in my lifetime

Or even in this next century

I know we’ll prevail

Because one thing I always remembered

Is that in the end

Good always overcomes evil.

Searching The Empty Seas

Lying in the ocean

And the waves become your skin

You become one with the Earth and the sand

And the sea

I am you, and you are me

We together are everything

And even more than that we’ll be

So take my hand here

And come on, walk with me

Seeing his face in my dreams

Knowing he’s happy

Knowing he’s there watching down on me

Makes everything real

More real than I thought it could be

Making him proud is all I ever wanted

I hope he can see this

And believe this

I’ll achieve this

With him on my side

And Him all around me

I wish for them to be everywhere I will be

And I want you to follow me

On the path that I took

You see I closed the old one

And started writing a whole new book

This ink right here flows smoothly

Beautifully

No blotches, spurts

Nothing unnecessary

Just everything that was destined for me

If He brings you to it He will bring you through it

In that you just don’t know how much I believe

I’ve been tested, contested continuously

But this peace I feel

Is nothing you’ve ever known

Like my soul is free

I want this feeling forever

I want Him to stay near to me

I’m flying, soaring, crying

It’s stunning

I can’t explain

The waves should be drowning me

But they fill me with gentle sweetness

They wrap around me

Pull me, tight and whole

Comfortably

I pray to Him just to guide me

The mistakes I make are all me

But the good I do is all from He

Shukkar Alhamdulillah

For all I have

Everything I am

Everything I’ve seen

The pain I’ve felt

The tears I’ve cried

Those times I nearly died

The people that came

The people that left

The smiles I shared

The memories I created

The times I strayed and came back to Him

Just

Alhamdulillah for everything

I can’t even explain to you want I mean

I guess true peace comes from within

Knowing that all you were ever looking for

Was right there inside you

Buried deep

Not as deep as you think

But there all along

Happiness grows from contentment

And for everything always

Thank you Allah

I’m glad you let me finally find you.

Diamond Mines

They come and go

The people come and go

Enemies disguised as friends

Ready to pull the trigger

Smash a glass

And do a little dance over your grave

Then you got the others

Who follow like the sheep in a crowd

Just wanna be in with you til they get what they want

And piss off down a mine

To bask in the glory of the light of your diamonds

And that is life exactly

Sparkly, precious, beautiful

VALUABLE

Yet around the world they kill for no reason

Pull triggers on women and children

For no reason

Kill our brothers and sisters for no reason

And yet we sit here with a reason to fight

Yet we do nothing with that reason

Makes you wonder

Why we’re here if we ain’t gonna fight

Gonna sit around on your arse all your life?

Do nothing important with your life?

Don’t you wanna be remembered for doing a little something

Even a tiny little something

To help save the world?

Don’t you wanna be someone that helped save a life?

I see you guys laugh at me

When you ask me what I want from life

And I say I want to save the world

But none of you get it

‘cause it will happen

In some way I’ll play my part

and I know exactly what I mean

I already am actually

Enemies or friends by my side

Angels and devils in disguise

I’ll make it without you

Missing certain people

Certain times

Certain places, feelings and things

But when God brings you to this

He does it for the best

‘cause when I asked Him to remove my enemies

I started losing friends.

Lamp Light

Sat here by lamplight

I sit here and contemplate

On love, life, destiny and fate

Wondering why people complicate

And make things hard

That are just so simple

Why is it so hard to be good

Yet so easy to be sinful

Why do we follow that path

And live our lives in this world

When the path right ahead of us is straight

And so easy to be fulfilled

So thankful for everything

And all that with I’m blessed

I guess when you accept certain situations

You find no reason to be stressed

Live life the clean way

The good way

Live it wholeheartedly

Do the things you want to do

With a pure heart

But remember you ain’t here to stay

So when the world pushes you to your knees

You’re in the perfect position to pray

So turn to the light

To bring you out the dark

And be so thankful that you got

To see another day

Still sat here with my lamp light

Thinking of all the times

I’ve had to fight alone in life

To get to the places I wanna go

And I’m so glad that I have shown

To me

And to all those that didn’t believe in me

That I’d make it to this place

And I’m smiling happily

I know that all good things come to an end

Flames to dust

Lovers to friends

Friends to strangers

Strangers to... dead

But I’m so thankful I got you as a friend

‘cause life is easier this way

Acceptance is a blessing

It makes things simpler, easier, less frustrating

Thank you Allah

For life, friends, family and dreams

I drop down to my knees

5 times a day

And say your name

Because without you

I know I wouldn’t be where I am today.

1 Year On.

I pulled down my Script hoody

Pulled it on with joggers and my connies

Dashed my law books in a satchel

And made my way to Ronnies

Not knowing as I sat in that library

My Pua was losing his fight

Kinda knowing in the back of my mind

That someone was gonna lose life

And she called me and we laughed

‘cause the signal kept going

And there were bare freshies in the library that night

Pulling an all-nighter just like me

But why was that the one night I decided

At home I didn’t wanna be?

Something took me there that night

I remember jumping out to see my mate

Something was playing on my mind

And it was like really really late

And she was bbming me

And we were laughing ‘cause she kept calling

But it kept cutting off

But was that God giving us some kinda sign from above?

There I was typing my land law notes

For an exam taking place in 2 days

With a feeling inside me that there was no point

‘cause for some reason I wasn’t gonna sit it

Not knowing God was about to take him

And then it flashed up on my bbm

The emoticon that to this day still breaks my heart

Everyone had been trying to call me

But there I was stuck on the first floor of the library

But from the moment I saw that face

Something inside me snapped

I knew he wasn’t here no more

And then my phone started ringing

So I ran out to the stairwell on the first floor

And all I heard was sobbing

And I knew he was no more

And I screamed out in pain

A pain I can’t describe

And a man walked past me

“Love, are you okay?”

“No, no...” I choked out,

“My... Uncle... just passed away”

But you see to people he’s just my uncle

But to me he was much more than just that

The only person I believe genuinely cared

After the passing of my Dad

And a year ago God called him home too

In a way

I’m glad God relieved his pain

But he was another one called home too soon

And we miss him

We all miss him so bad

He was a genuine angel

A loving and caring Dad

A devoted husband and a god-fearing man

And they say the people that suffer pain in this life

God will look after in the next

And if that’s the case then my dear Pua

Is in the best places of the best

I look forward to the day we all see him again

Hold him again

Laugh with him again

You know, just like we used to

I miss you my beautiful Pua, I really really do

I hope you’re smiling down from Heaven

‘cause all we wanna do is make you all proud

And Insha’Allah we’ll get there

Before Allah calls us home too

Just remember we all love you so much

And we know you love us too.

Gone from sight for now, but never forgotten. I love you my Pua Mammoo. Hope you're resting in peace. xxx