Black & White Wounds & Light

Not a single person

Knows, understands, feels

These past two years

Reaching out

Calling out

Everything out

Falls on deaf ears

An enemy to myself

Confused, lost, hung up

In a maze with no end

No way out

In my head

Black and white

Wounds and lights

It's all there

The only One left is Him

So I call to Him

Answering my prayers

In gifts wrapped with thorns

I chose this path

I chose this way

There is no going back

I want so much more than this

I want to be free of want

I want to feel all my sorrows

And cry all of my tears

But laugh all of my laughter

Smile all my smiles

And embrace all my joys

To know that, I must let Love in

Everyday is a healing process

It's making me better

All of this

The struggles, hurt, pain

It's making me better

I have to remember that

The human process is all of this

I am not my skin

I am my soul 

Even though it feels like there is no one that understands

I have Him

I have Him 

I have Him

The only one I have ever really needed

The only one I ever really want to need.

S.I.07.03.15

Rooftop Strangers

When it feels like your mind has taken too much

Been through too much

To ever come back from it

And all of a sudden you're stuck in this hole

Screaming silently inside

Don't take me under, don't take me under

Don't make a noise though

Don't wake them up

Accept and move forward

Karma

Is it deserved? Was it deserved?

She opened my eyes to so much

Up on that african rooftop

Let it out

I let it out

Was my voice a stranger to me

Seems like I am a stranger to me

But the book I'm reading right now

Says to find yourself you must lose yourself completely

And I've definitely done the latter

So where am I

And who am I

But don't ever question why

Because this is all what it's meant to be

And these things are to strengthen me

And no matter who tries to break me

Even if it's the ones closest to me

I will not fall

No I will not fall

I will be the eye of the storm

I will be the middle path

I will be acceptance and forgiveness 

I will be consciousness

Just bear with me

While I try and take this weight off my mind first.

SI 19.01.15

D E S P A I R

The one who was closest

Judged me the most

Left when needed 

World upside down

Broken, broken

Do friends do that

I wouldn't know

No-one left close

Need no fakeness

Be polite, keep it civil

No need for much more

Follow a religion

Follow the rules

Worshipping out of fear

And not out of love

Where does that leave you

I'd rather love Him more than anything

And follow the essence

Than fake pray 5 times a day

To prevent me from burning in hell

To these people they're stacking 'em up

And stacking and stacking

It's all a game

Whoever gets most will go to the highest heaven

Do a sin

You deserve to be stoned

And you'll burn in hell

Do you not know my God is Love?

Do you not know my God is mercy?

Do you not know my God tells us to ask him for forgiveness?

Do you not know my God is ever-merciful?

Do you not know my God says do not judge?

Do you not know that my God is your God? The same God? Everyone's God?

Do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know?

I despair

Tears fall from these eyes

What happened to Islam

What happened to it

They focus on the outer

Totally neglect the inner

"Don't look at the hair on my head but look at this face caked in make-up"

"Don't grow your moustache over your lip,you'll go to hell"

"Don't pray with your foot bent like that, that's wrong, you can't pray like that, it won't be accepted"

DESPAIR

I have hope though

For He sent us the greatest example

And although they ignore the things most important about him 

I'll keep him alive

and pray that others will too

For the most important thing is to do good, be good and live good.

Right?

Sabah Ismail

01.12.14

Flawed Consciousness

Slice it open

Let it all pour out 

Like the rain from the clouds

But let your heart spill out

For You are the only One who will ever   understand 

Even I don't understand

As the tears pour from my eyes 

And my hands quiver

Raised in a perfect collaboration towards the skies

And still I don't understand

I just want to be healed

I want to be better

I just want to be the best version of me that is humanly possible

So that I can walk alongside You

Until I return to You

But I am a flawed human being

I guess that just makes me a human being

For I've made one too many mistakes

And sometimes my pride and ego consume me

I always have to be right

And sometimes I am envious

And sometimes I wish I was prettier/slimmer/better

Sometimes I am ungrateful

And many times I have been so very insecure...

But it is when I found myself broken and in pieces on the floor 

That I found myself knocking at Your door

And you found me lost

You guided me

But it is only now that I am truly aware of how I used to be

How I am

How the world is

I woke up

You gave me consciousness

This inner struggle is what's most difficult 

But I know that You will give me all the tools to enable ME to heal me

And sometimes I cry for no reason

And yet only You still understand why.

Sabah Ismail

27.11.14

Little Lizard Miracles

Miracles
You perform miracles
Every single day of my life
I begged You to guide me
and You did
To a path I never knew existed
But a path I now call home
But not really home
More like twists and turns and bumps in the road
More like bleeding hearts and broken soles/souls
But home
Because this is the path that will lead me to You
And you led us here
To this beautiful place
Filled with sunshine
Filled with love
A harmony and a peace between people
That I ain't seen for such a long time
Fills my heart with joy
Although tummy's been churning since we arrived
But we got here safely
And almost 2 weeks later
It's like we've never known anything else
Settling into another new temporary home
On this everlasting journey
But in this temporary life
And I see You everywhere
In the mountains I see Your power
In the sunsets I see Your stunning beauty
In the people I see You
I see me, I see everyone and everything
Because essentially isn't that what we all are?
A part of each other
Although apart from each other
Connected spiritually
We'll be together forever
For now I must sleep
While the boy sleeps
Pray for those little lizards to stay outside
But even if they come in, who am I to say anything
They were here first
and I'll soon be on my way
Further along the path
to reach You.

Sabah Ismail
10.10.14