Rotting Wood

How can you go from feeling so high to so low

Don’t know

Just don’t know why sometimes I feel this way

Like I just want everything to go away

Including myself

But why think like this

When I have the knowledge to be present

In every single moment

And how can I type or even think

With two little beings around me all day

And I wonder how I’ll cope when the elders go away

And sometimes I’m just silent

I don’t know what to say

Life is so blessed but I miss where I was born

And I know it will take some time to adjust

But it’s just so different this time

Feeling frustrated

Lonely

A bit trapped

A L O N E 

But there is no one to blame in that

I have control over my life and my thoughts

So must become more powerful

Cut through them like a saw

Cuts through wood, rotten wood

Remember the days when I used to be so hood

I feel so different

Different to how I was back then

But that’s life

It changes

The past is forgotten

But there are parts of me that miss who I used to be

I had that little spark of insanity

Crazy ideas, but I knew what I meant

And on changing the world I was hell-bent

But then everything changed

Marriage and kids came along

Made me grey before my time

Although I know my genes play a part

Tomorrow I’ll probably feel good again

Maybe it’s the heat

Being in one place

Noone to visit or to go and see

No one to adorn

C R E A T I V E  B L O C K

Just want to scream

Or cry

Cry and die

Don’t want to leave them

I do think about it sometimes

I couldn’t do that

Not to them

Not to me

Have to accept and believe

That His plan is what is best for me.

Black & White Wounds & Light

Not a single person

Knows, understands, feels

These past two years

Reaching out

Calling out

Everything out

Falls on deaf ears

An enemy to myself

Confused, lost, hung up

In a maze with no end

No way out

In my head

Black and white

Wounds and lights

It's all there

The only One left is Him

So I call to Him

Answering my prayers

In gifts wrapped with thorns

I chose this path

I chose this way

There is no going back

I want so much more than this

I want to be free of want

I want to feel all my sorrows

And cry all of my tears

But laugh all of my laughter

Smile all my smiles

And embrace all my joys

To know that, I must let Love in

Everyday is a healing process

It's making me better

All of this

The struggles, hurt, pain

It's making me better

I have to remember that

The human process is all of this

I am not my skin

I am my soul 

Even though it feels like there is no one that understands

I have Him

I have Him 

I have Him

The only one I have ever really needed

The only one I ever really want to need.

S.I.07.03.15

Martin's Dream on Chapel Hill

Martin had a dream

I have a dream

Don’t we all dream

But who makes their dreams a reality

I dream of peace

And a world of truth

Not this bullshit media

Who like to lie and accuse

But I don’t blame them

I blame those above them

An agenda where money is at the root of it all

Where money is the reason they kill

Where some lives are more sacred then others

Because what matters is how much money they can get

How much oil they can steal

How many people they can brainwash

And how many people they can divide

Divide and then conquer

It breaks my heart

Arr Eye Pee

To those innocent three

In North Carolina, killed for no reason

Is it a crime to be Muslim

Is it a crime to want peace, to want freedom

You see, I’m trying to change myself everyday

I see us as one, the whole human race

You’re no different to me except from your face

We bleed the same and we cry the same

Yet you’re falling for their game

Their trap where they ensnare you

Wrap you up as bait in their screwed up web of lies

But you have a choice my friend

You HAVE THE CHOICE

Instead of sitting down every night to watch TV

Research and educate yourself

Set yourself free

Don’t let them dictate to you who you should love and who you should hate

This isn’t even about that

Don’t fight violence with violence

Or fire with fire

Don’t fight at all

Douse it with water

Be an alternative

Be the change

I’m starting with me and then I’ll take on the world

Hold my hand, I know it’s brown

But brown is the colour of chocolate and chocolate is good

Walk with me

I’m treading on the path to save humanity.

Rooftop Strangers

When it feels like your mind has taken too much

Been through too much

To ever come back from it

And all of a sudden you're stuck in this hole

Screaming silently inside

Don't take me under, don't take me under

Don't make a noise though

Don't wake them up

Accept and move forward

Karma

Is it deserved? Was it deserved?

She opened my eyes to so much

Up on that african rooftop

Let it out

I let it out

Was my voice a stranger to me

Seems like I am a stranger to me

But the book I'm reading right now

Says to find yourself you must lose yourself completely

And I've definitely done the latter

So where am I

And who am I

But don't ever question why

Because this is all what it's meant to be

And these things are to strengthen me

And no matter who tries to break me

Even if it's the ones closest to me

I will not fall

No I will not fall

I will be the eye of the storm

I will be the middle path

I will be acceptance and forgiveness 

I will be consciousness

Just bear with me

While I try and take this weight off my mind first.

SI 19.01.15

D E S P A I R

The one who was closest

Judged me the most

Left when needed 

World upside down

Broken, broken

Do friends do that

I wouldn't know

No-one left close

Need no fakeness

Be polite, keep it civil

No need for much more

Follow a religion

Follow the rules

Worshipping out of fear

And not out of love

Where does that leave you

I'd rather love Him more than anything

And follow the essence

Than fake pray 5 times a day

To prevent me from burning in hell

To these people they're stacking 'em up

And stacking and stacking

It's all a game

Whoever gets most will go to the highest heaven

Do a sin

You deserve to be stoned

And you'll burn in hell

Do you not know my God is Love?

Do you not know my God is mercy?

Do you not know my God tells us to ask him for forgiveness?

Do you not know my God is ever-merciful?

Do you not know my God says do not judge?

Do you not know that my God is your God? The same God? Everyone's God?

Do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know?

I despair

Tears fall from these eyes

What happened to Islam

What happened to it

They focus on the outer

Totally neglect the inner

"Don't look at the hair on my head but look at this face caked in make-up"

"Don't grow your moustache over your lip,you'll go to hell"

"Don't pray with your foot bent like that, that's wrong, you can't pray like that, it won't be accepted"

DESPAIR

I have hope though

For He sent us the greatest example

And although they ignore the things most important about him 

I'll keep him alive

and pray that others will too

For the most important thing is to do good, be good and live good.

Right?

Sabah Ismail

01.12.14

Flawed Consciousness

Slice it open

Let it all pour out 

Like the rain from the clouds

But let your heart spill out

For You are the only One who will ever   understand 

Even I don't understand

As the tears pour from my eyes 

And my hands quiver

Raised in a perfect collaboration towards the skies

And still I don't understand

I just want to be healed

I want to be better

I just want to be the best version of me that is humanly possible

So that I can walk alongside You

Until I return to You

But I am a flawed human being

I guess that just makes me a human being

For I've made one too many mistakes

And sometimes my pride and ego consume me

I always have to be right

And sometimes I am envious

And sometimes I wish I was prettier/slimmer/better

Sometimes I am ungrateful

And many times I have been so very insecure...

But it is when I found myself broken and in pieces on the floor 

That I found myself knocking at Your door

And you found me lost

You guided me

But it is only now that I am truly aware of how I used to be

How I am

How the world is

I woke up

You gave me consciousness

This inner struggle is what's most difficult 

But I know that You will give me all the tools to enable ME to heal me

And sometimes I cry for no reason

And yet only You still understand why.

Sabah Ismail

27.11.14

Little Lizard Miracles

Miracles
You perform miracles
Every single day of my life
I begged You to guide me
and You did
To a path I never knew existed
But a path I now call home
But not really home
More like twists and turns and bumps in the road
More like bleeding hearts and broken soles/souls
But home
Because this is the path that will lead me to You
And you led us here
To this beautiful place
Filled with sunshine
Filled with love
A harmony and a peace between people
That I ain't seen for such a long time
Fills my heart with joy
Although tummy's been churning since we arrived
But we got here safely
And almost 2 weeks later
It's like we've never known anything else
Settling into another new temporary home
On this everlasting journey
But in this temporary life
And I see You everywhere
In the mountains I see Your power
In the sunsets I see Your stunning beauty
In the people I see You
I see me, I see everyone and everything
Because essentially isn't that what we all are?
A part of each other
Although apart from each other
Connected spiritually
We'll be together forever
For now I must sleep
While the boy sleeps
Pray for those little lizards to stay outside
But even if they come in, who am I to say anything
They were here first
and I'll soon be on my way
Further along the path
to reach You.

Sabah Ismail
10.10.14

Shrivelled Roots

Alone

But never alone

In a world so cold

Not cold

Shrivelling within

Need some water

Water my roots

Let me grow again

Wanting too much

Or wanting what's needed

Is it too much to ask 

Never too much to ask

He always listens

He always listens

Gave me what I needed

Not what I wanted

Not yet

Some days strong

Some days still strong but weak inside

They don't know

No-one knows

Everyday struggles

Everyday joys

Days like this I wanna roll up in a ball

Scream into my pillow

No one come running

Running

Running

Far away

Lost in thought

Lost in translation

Run towards the light

Envelop me I scream

Just want to be free

Free from myself more than anyone else

Just want to be free

17.10.14

Head Down / Light On

Little girl

Why so sad

This beautiful world is not all bad

Head down against the ground

The One that listens

He does not judge whether good or bad

Lay your head down

Speak to Him

He knows everything that hides within

A heavy heart

Eyes that bleed

Protecting you was my deed

I've let you down

Let them down

Do not worry

You shall be freed

Happy days aren't far away

Trust me when I say that

You can be everything

You are everything

And everything is there

Inside you

Flick a switch

Turn the light on

Suppressed anger

Turns to love

The world it will hurt you

Only if you let it

But do not break

Even when you sway

Even when you bend

Taught to be strong

From an age so young

A teacher called life 

Just for a short while

Here, then gone

Another life taken

Henning beheaded 

In the name of a God

Who doesn't want this

Using Islam to justify ISIS

Argh

This world 

It's people

The things that they do

What happened to wanting for your neighbour 

What you want for you

Still I smile

And you will too

You're more than my friend

I love you. 

Sabah Ismail

03.10.14

Flying Unicorns / Orange Bedsheets

I remember when I used to look at lightbulbs

I'd see starships

Look up at birds

I'd see flying unicorns

But it kinda disappeared and now I see orange bedsheets

And lost between those sheets 

Is me

I had a magic

a little spark of insanity

It's still in me

Somewhere deep inside

Suffocated 'cause it's out of reach

Where am I 

Where is me

He said to me

Be so strong that nothing can break me

Nothing can upset me

I'm strong

Strong like the hulk

But maybe not so green

But even that's something I gotta work on in me

And it's all a work

On mind, body, spirit and soul

Can I stand through it all

Sway

Bend

Never break?

Ah I see it coming back

I have to write, draw, read

Every single day

I need to feed my soul

To be freedom again

And maybe one day I'll be eating candyfloss again 

Atop the worlds highest, most glorious tree

Sabah Ismail

01.10.14

Life's Seesaw

In this eternal story

Why is it that we smile

If we are only to feel pain again?

Why do we have light

If we are only to succumb to black again?

Why do we open closed doors

If only for them to close again?

Why is that we run and keep running

If we are only to be beaten again?

Why is that we awaken

If we are only to sleep again?

Why is it that we love

If only to have our hearts broken again?

Why is it that we let go

If only to be left clinging on again?

Why is that we soar the skies

If only to break our wings and fall again?

Why is it that we swim majestically

If only to drown on poisons again?

 In this eternal story

Why is it that we begin

If we are only to end again?

--------------------------------------------

In this eternal story

We are loved in a way

That is a love like no other...

He gives us pain, because He loves us

So that one day we learn how to smile again

He gives us darkness, because He loves us

So we can crawl our way towards soul-warming light again

He closes doors, because He loves us

For us only to build new ones leading to where we’re meant to be

He gives us strength to keep running, because He loves us

To let the world know that it can’t defeat us or beat us again

He gives us sleep, because He loves us

So we can appreciate the beauty of opening our eyes once more

He lets our hearts get broken, because He loves us

To help us get our priorities straight and learn to love again properly, but even more

He shows us through our desperate clinging on

The soul-felt liberation that comes when we learn to let go

He breaks our mended wings again

To help us fly even higher than we ever thought

And when we let ourselves drown

He sends us lifelines to bring ourselves up to the surface again

And He does all this

Because He loves us

like no other.

So why is it that we begin

If we are only to end again?

Because when it comes to the end

That is when we truly begin again.

By Sabah Ismail

01.03.13

“He teaches us by means of opposites, so we have two wings to fly, not one.” – Rumi.

Rats & Jihaad

Sorry state of affairs

In everything I see

Turn to my left and I see them hating

To the right they’re making a mockery

Yet we sit here and we’re calm

Like it’s not really that big a deal

But don’t you see the injustice around you

Those going X Large

When some don’t even get a meal

Doesn’t something click

When you see that most of the world’s poor

Looks just like you?

Brown eyes, brown skin,

Like rats to them infesting the Earth

And really nothing more

They turned a whole generation against us

With some spoof scam

Making it out it was an act of Jihaad

When in fact we know better than that

We face Jihaad everyday

A struggle, fighting for our beliefs

But somehow deep within myself

I still really believe

That the people will rise

One day we’ll be free

Coming together as one

For the sake of humanity

All of this will be left in the past

I’m hoping it will make history books

But maybe I’m dreaming too far

And even if it doesn’t happen right now

Or in my lifetime

Or even in this next century

I know we’ll prevail

Because one thing I always remembered

Is that in the end

Good always overcomes evil.

Searching The Empty Seas

Lying in the ocean

And the waves become your skin

You become one with the Earth and the sand

And the sea

I am you, and you are me

We together are everything

And even more than that we’ll be

So take my hand here

And come on, walk with me

Seeing his face in my dreams

Knowing he’s happy

Knowing he’s there watching down on me

Makes everything real

More real than I thought it could be

Making him proud is all I ever wanted

I hope he can see this

And believe this

I’ll achieve this

With him on my side

And Him all around me

I wish for them to be everywhere I will be

And I want you to follow me

On the path that I took

You see I closed the old one

And started writing a whole new book

This ink right here flows smoothly

Beautifully

No blotches, spurts

Nothing unnecessary

Just everything that was destined for me

If He brings you to it He will bring you through it

In that you just don’t know how much I believe

I’ve been tested, contested continuously

But this peace I feel

Is nothing you’ve ever known

Like my soul is free

I want this feeling forever

I want Him to stay near to me

I’m flying, soaring, crying

It’s stunning

I can’t explain

The waves should be drowning me

But they fill me with gentle sweetness

They wrap around me

Pull me, tight and whole

Comfortably

I pray to Him just to guide me

The mistakes I make are all me

But the good I do is all from He

Shukkar Alhamdulillah

For all I have

Everything I am

Everything I’ve seen

The pain I’ve felt

The tears I’ve cried

Those times I nearly died

The people that came

The people that left

The smiles I shared

The memories I created

The times I strayed and came back to Him

Just

Alhamdulillah for everything

I can’t even explain to you want I mean

I guess true peace comes from within

Knowing that all you were ever looking for

Was right there inside you

Buried deep

Not as deep as you think

But there all along

Happiness grows from contentment

And for everything always

Thank you Allah

I’m glad you let me finally find you.

Stole My Broken Wings

Lost in a bubble of anxiety

A broken hole full of cracks

Emptiness on which I choke

And a sadness at which I laugh

Entities all around

Floating within my reach

Reaching out my fingers

To clasp onto that which I need

They tease me and they mock me

As they jump away from my touch

Electricity-like against my skin

Burning me just too much

I close my wings around me

And lay down my head to rest

I know one day that I’ll break free

I know I’ll be the best

I am the best ‘cause there is only me

That’s all I’ll ever have

Floating alone in the universe

A sanely psychotic delusionary

Who is slowly going mad

Sparkling a little too dangerously

Enticing me with their light

Seducing me with their beauty

They are the reason I’ll take flight

These hollow wings are my haven though

This black hole a place I call home

This place cannot exist without me

Without me it is gone

A rainbow-coloured spectrum

Twists its way through my veins

Turning my blood from black

To everything insane

Yet I feel my wings thickening

I feel my insides come alive

I kick back and push myself

I’ve found a way to survive

Suddenly it closes in

The darkness places its hand over my mouth

It creeps into my eyeballs

From every place it sprouts

It tightens in around me

Coiling around my wings

And suddenly they’re broken too

And everything disappears

Floating in bubbles around me

They laugh like my pain is their medicine

They whip me with their silent words

It’s like my life is their experiment

Without my wings I take a seat

Their chains weighing me down

I sit there and take in the air

The air on which I now know

that I am destined

To drown.