Searching The Empty Seas

Lying in the ocean

And the waves become your skin

You become one with the Earth and the sand

And the sea

I am you, and you are me

We together are everything

And even more than that we’ll be

So take my hand here

And come on, walk with me

Seeing his face in my dreams

Knowing he’s happy

Knowing he’s there watching down on me

Makes everything real

More real than I thought it could be

Making him proud is all I ever wanted

I hope he can see this

And believe this

I’ll achieve this

With him on my side

And Him all around me

I wish for them to be everywhere I will be

And I want you to follow me

On the path that I took

You see I closed the old one

And started writing a whole new book

This ink right here flows smoothly

Beautifully

No blotches, spurts

Nothing unnecessary

Just everything that was destined for me

If He brings you to it He will bring you through it

In that you just don’t know how much I believe

I’ve been tested, contested continuously

But this peace I feel

Is nothing you’ve ever known

Like my soul is free

I want this feeling forever

I want Him to stay near to me

I’m flying, soaring, crying

It’s stunning

I can’t explain

The waves should be drowning me

But they fill me with gentle sweetness

They wrap around me

Pull me, tight and whole

Comfortably

I pray to Him just to guide me

The mistakes I make are all me

But the good I do is all from He

Shukkar Alhamdulillah

For all I have

Everything I am

Everything I’ve seen

The pain I’ve felt

The tears I’ve cried

Those times I nearly died

The people that came

The people that left

The smiles I shared

The memories I created

The times I strayed and came back to Him

Just

Alhamdulillah for everything

I can’t even explain to you want I mean

I guess true peace comes from within

Knowing that all you were ever looking for

Was right there inside you

Buried deep

Not as deep as you think

But there all along

Happiness grows from contentment

And for everything always

Thank you Allah

I’m glad you let me finally find you.

1 Year On.

I pulled down my Script hoody

Pulled it on with joggers and my connies

Dashed my law books in a satchel

And made my way to Ronnies

Not knowing as I sat in that library

My Pua was losing his fight

Kinda knowing in the back of my mind

That someone was gonna lose life

And she called me and we laughed

‘cause the signal kept going

And there were bare freshies in the library that night

Pulling an all-nighter just like me

But why was that the one night I decided

At home I didn’t wanna be?

Something took me there that night

I remember jumping out to see my mate

Something was playing on my mind

And it was like really really late

And she was bbming me

And we were laughing ‘cause she kept calling

But it kept cutting off

But was that God giving us some kinda sign from above?

There I was typing my land law notes

For an exam taking place in 2 days

With a feeling inside me that there was no point

‘cause for some reason I wasn’t gonna sit it

Not knowing God was about to take him

And then it flashed up on my bbm

The emoticon that to this day still breaks my heart

Everyone had been trying to call me

But there I was stuck on the first floor of the library

But from the moment I saw that face

Something inside me snapped

I knew he wasn’t here no more

And then my phone started ringing

So I ran out to the stairwell on the first floor

And all I heard was sobbing

And I knew he was no more

And I screamed out in pain

A pain I can’t describe

And a man walked past me

“Love, are you okay?”

“No, no...” I choked out,

“My... Uncle... just passed away”

But you see to people he’s just my uncle

But to me he was much more than just that

The only person I believe genuinely cared

After the passing of my Dad

And a year ago God called him home too

In a way

I’m glad God relieved his pain

But he was another one called home too soon

And we miss him

We all miss him so bad

He was a genuine angel

A loving and caring Dad

A devoted husband and a god-fearing man

And they say the people that suffer pain in this life

God will look after in the next

And if that’s the case then my dear Pua

Is in the best places of the best

I look forward to the day we all see him again

Hold him again

Laugh with him again

You know, just like we used to

I miss you my beautiful Pua, I really really do

I hope you’re smiling down from Heaven

‘cause all we wanna do is make you all proud

And Insha’Allah we’ll get there

Before Allah calls us home too

Just remember we all love you so much

And we know you love us too.

Gone from sight for now, but never forgotten. I love you my Pua Mammoo. Hope you're resting in peace. xxx