Searching The Empty Seas

Lying in the ocean

And the waves become your skin

You become one with the Earth and the sand

And the sea

I am you, and you are me

We together are everything

And even more than that we’ll be

So take my hand here

And come on, walk with me

Seeing his face in my dreams

Knowing he’s happy

Knowing he’s there watching down on me

Makes everything real

More real than I thought it could be

Making him proud is all I ever wanted

I hope he can see this

And believe this

I’ll achieve this

With him on my side

And Him all around me

I wish for them to be everywhere I will be

And I want you to follow me

On the path that I took

You see I closed the old one

And started writing a whole new book

This ink right here flows smoothly

Beautifully

No blotches, spurts

Nothing unnecessary

Just everything that was destined for me

If He brings you to it He will bring you through it

In that you just don’t know how much I believe

I’ve been tested, contested continuously

But this peace I feel

Is nothing you’ve ever known

Like my soul is free

I want this feeling forever

I want Him to stay near to me

I’m flying, soaring, crying

It’s stunning

I can’t explain

The waves should be drowning me

But they fill me with gentle sweetness

They wrap around me

Pull me, tight and whole

Comfortably

I pray to Him just to guide me

The mistakes I make are all me

But the good I do is all from He

Shukkar Alhamdulillah

For all I have

Everything I am

Everything I’ve seen

The pain I’ve felt

The tears I’ve cried

Those times I nearly died

The people that came

The people that left

The smiles I shared

The memories I created

The times I strayed and came back to Him

Just

Alhamdulillah for everything

I can’t even explain to you want I mean

I guess true peace comes from within

Knowing that all you were ever looking for

Was right there inside you

Buried deep

Not as deep as you think

But there all along

Happiness grows from contentment

And for everything always

Thank you Allah

I’m glad you let me finally find you.

Stole My Broken Wings

Lost in a bubble of anxiety

A broken hole full of cracks

Emptiness on which I choke

And a sadness at which I laugh

Entities all around

Floating within my reach

Reaching out my fingers

To clasp onto that which I need

They tease me and they mock me

As they jump away from my touch

Electricity-like against my skin

Burning me just too much

I close my wings around me

And lay down my head to rest

I know one day that I’ll break free

I know I’ll be the best

I am the best ‘cause there is only me

That’s all I’ll ever have

Floating alone in the universe

A sanely psychotic delusionary

Who is slowly going mad

Sparkling a little too dangerously

Enticing me with their light

Seducing me with their beauty

They are the reason I’ll take flight

These hollow wings are my haven though

This black hole a place I call home

This place cannot exist without me

Without me it is gone

A rainbow-coloured spectrum

Twists its way through my veins

Turning my blood from black

To everything insane

Yet I feel my wings thickening

I feel my insides come alive

I kick back and push myself

I’ve found a way to survive

Suddenly it closes in

The darkness places its hand over my mouth

It creeps into my eyeballs

From every place it sprouts

It tightens in around me

Coiling around my wings

And suddenly they’re broken too

And everything disappears

Floating in bubbles around me

They laugh like my pain is their medicine

They whip me with their silent words

It’s like my life is their experiment

Without my wings I take a seat

Their chains weighing me down

I sit there and take in the air

The air on which I now know

that I am destined

To drown.

Lamp Light

Sat here by lamplight

I sit here and contemplate

On love, life, destiny and fate

Wondering why people complicate

And make things hard

That are just so simple

Why is it so hard to be good

Yet so easy to be sinful

Why do we follow that path

And live our lives in this world

When the path right ahead of us is straight

And so easy to be fulfilled

So thankful for everything

And all that with I’m blessed

I guess when you accept certain situations

You find no reason to be stressed

Live life the clean way

The good way

Live it wholeheartedly

Do the things you want to do

With a pure heart

But remember you ain’t here to stay

So when the world pushes you to your knees

You’re in the perfect position to pray

So turn to the light

To bring you out the dark

And be so thankful that you got

To see another day

Still sat here with my lamp light

Thinking of all the times

I’ve had to fight alone in life

To get to the places I wanna go

And I’m so glad that I have shown

To me

And to all those that didn’t believe in me

That I’d make it to this place

And I’m smiling happily

I know that all good things come to an end

Flames to dust

Lovers to friends

Friends to strangers

Strangers to... dead

But I’m so thankful I got you as a friend

‘cause life is easier this way

Acceptance is a blessing

It makes things simpler, easier, less frustrating

Thank you Allah

For life, friends, family and dreams

I drop down to my knees

5 times a day

And say your name

Because without you

I know I wouldn’t be where I am today.

1 Year On.

I pulled down my Script hoody

Pulled it on with joggers and my connies

Dashed my law books in a satchel

And made my way to Ronnies

Not knowing as I sat in that library

My Pua was losing his fight

Kinda knowing in the back of my mind

That someone was gonna lose life

And she called me and we laughed

‘cause the signal kept going

And there were bare freshies in the library that night

Pulling an all-nighter just like me

But why was that the one night I decided

At home I didn’t wanna be?

Something took me there that night

I remember jumping out to see my mate

Something was playing on my mind

And it was like really really late

And she was bbming me

And we were laughing ‘cause she kept calling

But it kept cutting off

But was that God giving us some kinda sign from above?

There I was typing my land law notes

For an exam taking place in 2 days

With a feeling inside me that there was no point

‘cause for some reason I wasn’t gonna sit it

Not knowing God was about to take him

And then it flashed up on my bbm

The emoticon that to this day still breaks my heart

Everyone had been trying to call me

But there I was stuck on the first floor of the library

But from the moment I saw that face

Something inside me snapped

I knew he wasn’t here no more

And then my phone started ringing

So I ran out to the stairwell on the first floor

And all I heard was sobbing

And I knew he was no more

And I screamed out in pain

A pain I can’t describe

And a man walked past me

“Love, are you okay?”

“No, no...” I choked out,

“My... Uncle... just passed away”

But you see to people he’s just my uncle

But to me he was much more than just that

The only person I believe genuinely cared

After the passing of my Dad

And a year ago God called him home too

In a way

I’m glad God relieved his pain

But he was another one called home too soon

And we miss him

We all miss him so bad

He was a genuine angel

A loving and caring Dad

A devoted husband and a god-fearing man

And they say the people that suffer pain in this life

God will look after in the next

And if that’s the case then my dear Pua

Is in the best places of the best

I look forward to the day we all see him again

Hold him again

Laugh with him again

You know, just like we used to

I miss you my beautiful Pua, I really really do

I hope you’re smiling down from Heaven

‘cause all we wanna do is make you all proud

And Insha’Allah we’ll get there

Before Allah calls us home too

Just remember we all love you so much

And we know you love us too.

Gone from sight for now, but never forgotten. I love you my Pua Mammoo. Hope you're resting in peace. xxx

Unicorn Slaves

See me rhyme these words of a soliloquy

In a soliloquy you see I got the right to be me

To be free

To do all the things I want to do

And be all the things I wanna be

There’s a spark in my belly

Ignition to my fire

Is when I’ll transpire

Go higher

Make my father proud

And leave a name on this Earth

Remembered by a crowd

‘N’ I’ll be there

Rotting in my grave

To the system I’m a slave

Nah I think not

‘Cause when I’m below

I’ll be remembered by people above

Even though while I’m still above

Those even higher wanna watch us drown

In a system where all rights

Are held by a woman in a crown

And we’re nobodies

‘Cause that’s what they made us believe

They made our minds deceive us into not being free

But this is why I’ll be somebody

Not just anybody

Look in my eyes and you’ll see I AM somebody

So come join me on this mountain hike

There’s a pedestal waiting at the top

Don’t look down though

There’s a mighty mighty drop

Don’t worry though

My unicorn will catch you

He had a dream too

To sprout wings and fly

And he worked hard

That’s no word of a lie

And now they call him Pegasus

But he’ll always be my unicorn

I was right there when he was born

And I’ma be there til the end

Even after both our legacies live on.