Beginning Endings

Do you see it

Do you feel it

Watch the flame

Flickering towards the light

Pulling gently upwards

Caressed softly by the grace of the wind

Never blowing

Never fading

Just burning

Beautifully burning

Portraying a juxtaposition of emotion

Strong heat

In bitter cold

Waiting for the day

When it too will be gone

Becoming something else

But remaining the same

A transition from flame to dirt

To dust

To air, to breath, to lungs, to life

Never-ending

It’s never-ending

In my other form

I look forward to seeing you again

White Walls

Head bowed

Knees bent

Tears fall

She quietly wept

Each tear that left

The light reflects

Entering  wounds

When she repents

Fixing

Mending

Broken bruises

Hidden heart

So close together

Miles apart

Two become one

For the sake of this path

Back to the One

We pave

We follow

Hand in hand

Fulfilled prayers

Unknown answers

Forgotten futures

Dismembered pasts

Present presence

Friends and foe

Forgiveness for all

Health and success

This life

The next

Wealth accumulated

Under chest

Beating hearts

Rhythmic trance

Sacred love

Misery passed

With You

With me

Together

One

Forever

For He.

Underground // Overground

Feet pound the pavement

While the cold envelops my soul

My eyes look up to the Earth around me

A world that swallowed me whole

The clouds gather like velvet

Across a brisk night sky

I walk and admire His beauty

With my head tilted toward the moonlight

And then everything turns the other way round

And I look down at my feet

Imagining what it must feel like

To be just underneath

Trapped beneath the dust and earth

Fingernails clawing at cement

Imagining myself suffocating

Condemned to this sentence

I imagine myself screaming

But there’s no air to allow a sound

To escape my lips to reach the ears

Of those that walk overground

I accept my place underneath the rest

And stop my mini struggle

I close my eyes and just let go

It was time to pop the bubble

It doesn’t have to be like that

I remind myself everyday

If I do the things I’m meant to do

And not be led astray

Dead, alive, alive or dead

There’s really no difference

If you submit yourself to the One

There is nothing but sheer existence

To exist, to be,

To live, to breathe

To taste, touch, hear,

To smell and to see,

To appreciate the little things

And admire the ones that are bigger

To live a present so far from the past

Of when I used to be a sinner

I’m no angel

Nor no saint

Just an ordinary person

Going day by day

Making my way through the grass and the wind

Through the fire

Through the Earth

Ever since birth

Finding my place in this present reality

I finally feel comfortable in my skin

Nobody who comes will change that

I feel it from within

Underground, Overground,

Overground and under,

Then I feel the raindrops on me

Soaked to the skin

Awakening me from my slumber

I hear such tranquility in His thunder.

Remember Me.

Remember Me, Sabah?

I was there when he broke your heart and left you

Remember Me?

I was there when you wept and cried for me to forgive you

Yet you went and did it again

Remember Me Sabah?

I was still there when your ‘friend’ ended up doing what you thought was impossible

And those others followed suit and upped and left you...

Remember Me?

Remember when I called you to Me Sabah?

And it took you such a long time to come

Remember how I called you Sabah?

Yet you’d just turn around and you’d run...

Remember all the times

When you used to sit and cry

Remember those times

When you’d lay in bed and beg to die?

Remember all those times

When I was so close by?

Do you remember?

Because I sure do.

So I broke you down Sabah,

I didn’t want to hurt you

I did it for you Sabah

Knowing one day you would thank Me

And alas, it worked

And you came to Me

And you grew with Me

You made friends with Me

And you worshipped Me

For the very same reason I created you

Finally you realised you belonged to Me

Nothing and no-one else

And every day you remembered Me...

Every moment you remembered Me

And once again you were Mine,

As you’d always been.

So, Sabah?

Don’t question Me and right now

Just remember Me.

For if you even begin to turn away

If I feel that you're going to stray

I won’t let you

I’ll give you a little nudge

A little shake

I’ll even give you fleeting glimpses

Of crazy happiness

Which will not add or detract from your contentment

And then I’ll take it away

For I know you’re with Me

But I want you to know you’re with Me

I want you to remember that all begins and ends with Me

So I’m just reminding you

Right now

Right this very moment

With everything that’s happening in your life

That I am here

I will always be here

And I was never not here...

So remember Me, Sabah, remember ME...

Remember Me, until you return to Me.

Concrete Roses

Flashbacks of my life

The good, the bad and the ugly

And when I let Him find me

I allowed the light to enter

From every pore, a blessing is found

Every mineral a curse to humankind

At least that’s what they turned it into

I hold my hands up to the sky

Praising, glorifying the Eternal one

I long to be there

I long to fly

I long to die

If only to have Him near

Oh how I forget

That He’s always near

Blessings in everything

In death, in life

In dark, in light

For everything that is everything

Comes from He

And He is everywhere

In you, in me

In the air we breathe

In the people we meet

The places we see

The things we dream

I stand by you

And you by me

Together we’ll be free

He called me

And I walked away

He called me again

And I ran away

He called me again

And brought me to my knees

He watched as my world

Crumbled around me

He watched as everything fell down on top of me

He watched as it suffocated me

He watched as it drowned me

He watched the swords slice through me

He saw the blood that spilled from me

He watched me cry

Every single night

Into the stars of the night sky

And into the sunrise

He watched me lose everything

And then He helped me find... 

Everything

He made me weak and vulnerable

And then he watched me grow

He nurtured me and fed me

He brought me to life

In a way I’ve never known

He is always here

The only one who never leaves

He gives me exactly what I need

And He’s let me be free

No longer enclosed by the prison of my body

No longer enshrined in my eternal mind

I am the Earth, the wind, the air that I breathe

I am everything

And everything is me.

Rats & Jihaad

Sorry state of affairs

In everything I see

Turn to my left and I see them hating

To the right they’re making a mockery

Yet we sit here and we’re calm

Like it’s not really that big a deal

But don’t you see the injustice around you

Those going X Large

When some don’t even get a meal

Doesn’t something click

When you see that most of the world’s poor

Looks just like you?

Brown eyes, brown skin,

Like rats to them infesting the Earth

And really nothing more

They turned a whole generation against us

With some spoof scam

Making it out it was an act of Jihaad

When in fact we know better than that

We face Jihaad everyday

A struggle, fighting for our beliefs

But somehow deep within myself

I still really believe

That the people will rise

One day we’ll be free

Coming together as one

For the sake of humanity

All of this will be left in the past

I’m hoping it will make history books

But maybe I’m dreaming too far

And even if it doesn’t happen right now

Or in my lifetime

Or even in this next century

I know we’ll prevail

Because one thing I always remembered

Is that in the end

Good always overcomes evil.

Searching The Empty Seas

Lying in the ocean

And the waves become your skin

You become one with the Earth and the sand

And the sea

I am you, and you are me

We together are everything

And even more than that we’ll be

So take my hand here

And come on, walk with me

Seeing his face in my dreams

Knowing he’s happy

Knowing he’s there watching down on me

Makes everything real

More real than I thought it could be

Making him proud is all I ever wanted

I hope he can see this

And believe this

I’ll achieve this

With him on my side

And Him all around me

I wish for them to be everywhere I will be

And I want you to follow me

On the path that I took

You see I closed the old one

And started writing a whole new book

This ink right here flows smoothly

Beautifully

No blotches, spurts

Nothing unnecessary

Just everything that was destined for me

If He brings you to it He will bring you through it

In that you just don’t know how much I believe

I’ve been tested, contested continuously

But this peace I feel

Is nothing you’ve ever known

Like my soul is free

I want this feeling forever

I want Him to stay near to me

I’m flying, soaring, crying

It’s stunning

I can’t explain

The waves should be drowning me

But they fill me with gentle sweetness

They wrap around me

Pull me, tight and whole

Comfortably

I pray to Him just to guide me

The mistakes I make are all me

But the good I do is all from He

Shukkar Alhamdulillah

For all I have

Everything I am

Everything I’ve seen

The pain I’ve felt

The tears I’ve cried

Those times I nearly died

The people that came

The people that left

The smiles I shared

The memories I created

The times I strayed and came back to Him

Just

Alhamdulillah for everything

I can’t even explain to you want I mean

I guess true peace comes from within

Knowing that all you were ever looking for

Was right there inside you

Buried deep

Not as deep as you think

But there all along

Happiness grows from contentment

And for everything always

Thank you Allah

I’m glad you let me finally find you.

A Friend Called Death

Imagine that point when you realise you’re dying

Freefalling and crying

There’s no going back

Just you and this black hole ready to swallow you up

You don’t know what’s next

And the fear grips your heart

You no longer see

You no longer breathe

And you’re falling

Ever-falling

You don’t know what you’ll hit

You don’t know if you’ll hit

Or if you’ll just keep on falling

Will it be smooth

Or is it gonna hurt

And when you get to the other side

Will you cry for those ones you left behind

‘cause it must be kind of difficult

They lose just you

But you lose them all

But then there’s all the ones that went before

Will they be there holding the door

And when you think about this

Like sit and truly think about this

Does the thought shit you up

Does it scare you into paralysis

Or does it excite you

‘cause this ain’t reality

This is a world full of falsehood and misinterpretations

A place full of lies

A place full of shine

And disguise

A place that deceives and then leaves

You see when you die that’s real reality

That’s where you’re gonna be forever-more

What if you sleep and don’t wake up

What if it’s kind of like an adrenalin rush

What if it chokes you and breaks you

What if the fear of knowing it’s here

Is what actually takes you

You have no control

Unlike everything else in life

This is the one thing that is guaranteed

From the moment we wake in this world

Yet the one thing we know nothing about

I hope that death will be my friend

I want to embrace it

Walk with it

Not try and run away from it

I want death to be my ultimate goal

Even though it is my inevitable fate.

Insha’Allah.

Finally Free

Thousands come and go

In and out your life

But when the realisation hits you

That you’re actually alone

And ‘cause of all the people that wronged you

Your heart’s turned to stone

And ‘cause of the tears they made you cry

Your eyes are suddenly dry

And because of the blood that spilled your veins

They’re all so parched and tight

But then the light will hit you

When you turn your attention towards Allah

Realise that you don’t need anyone

As long as you have du’a

And in du’a when you come to know

That this is the path you were meant to follow

This is the road that was supposed to wind

Until you left all that shit behind

When you realise this and accept it fully

You feel a peace you’ve never known before

‘cause when all of them closed

God opened me another door

One that invited me to come in towards contentment

One that allowed me to leave in the past my resentment

A place that taught me to forgive to be free

A place that taught me to let me love me

Somewhere I finally felt blessed with all I had

Somewhere where I’m now happy and not sad

So the thing is even if I am alone

I’m never really alone

‘cause I’ve always got Allah by my side

And He is the only ever-present, omnipresent one

He’s all I need and because of that

I am finally free.

Stole My Broken Wings

Lost in a bubble of anxiety

A broken hole full of cracks

Emptiness on which I choke

And a sadness at which I laugh

Entities all around

Floating within my reach

Reaching out my fingers

To clasp onto that which I need

They tease me and they mock me

As they jump away from my touch

Electricity-like against my skin

Burning me just too much

I close my wings around me

And lay down my head to rest

I know one day that I’ll break free

I know I’ll be the best

I am the best ‘cause there is only me

That’s all I’ll ever have

Floating alone in the universe

A sanely psychotic delusionary

Who is slowly going mad

Sparkling a little too dangerously

Enticing me with their light

Seducing me with their beauty

They are the reason I’ll take flight

These hollow wings are my haven though

This black hole a place I call home

This place cannot exist without me

Without me it is gone

A rainbow-coloured spectrum

Twists its way through my veins

Turning my blood from black

To everything insane

Yet I feel my wings thickening

I feel my insides come alive

I kick back and push myself

I’ve found a way to survive

Suddenly it closes in

The darkness places its hand over my mouth

It creeps into my eyeballs

From every place it sprouts

It tightens in around me

Coiling around my wings

And suddenly they’re broken too

And everything disappears

Floating in bubbles around me

They laugh like my pain is their medicine

They whip me with their silent words

It’s like my life is their experiment

Without my wings I take a seat

Their chains weighing me down

I sit there and take in the air

The air on which I now know

that I am destined

To drown.

Diamond Mines

They come and go

The people come and go

Enemies disguised as friends

Ready to pull the trigger

Smash a glass

And do a little dance over your grave

Then you got the others

Who follow like the sheep in a crowd

Just wanna be in with you til they get what they want

And piss off down a mine

To bask in the glory of the light of your diamonds

And that is life exactly

Sparkly, precious, beautiful

VALUABLE

Yet around the world they kill for no reason

Pull triggers on women and children

For no reason

Kill our brothers and sisters for no reason

And yet we sit here with a reason to fight

Yet we do nothing with that reason

Makes you wonder

Why we’re here if we ain’t gonna fight

Gonna sit around on your arse all your life?

Do nothing important with your life?

Don’t you wanna be remembered for doing a little something

Even a tiny little something

To help save the world?

Don’t you wanna be someone that helped save a life?

I see you guys laugh at me

When you ask me what I want from life

And I say I want to save the world

But none of you get it

‘cause it will happen

In some way I’ll play my part

and I know exactly what I mean

I already am actually

Enemies or friends by my side

Angels and devils in disguise

I’ll make it without you

Missing certain people

Certain times

Certain places, feelings and things

But when God brings you to this

He does it for the best

‘cause when I asked Him to remove my enemies

I started losing friends.