D E S P A I R

The one who was closest

Judged me the most

Left when needed 

World upside down

Broken, broken

Do friends do that

I wouldn't know

No-one left close

Need no fakeness

Be polite, keep it civil

No need for much more

Follow a religion

Follow the rules

Worshipping out of fear

And not out of love

Where does that leave you

I'd rather love Him more than anything

And follow the essence

Than fake pray 5 times a day

To prevent me from burning in hell

To these people they're stacking 'em up

And stacking and stacking

It's all a game

Whoever gets most will go to the highest heaven

Do a sin

You deserve to be stoned

And you'll burn in hell

Do you not know my God is Love?

Do you not know my God is mercy?

Do you not know my God tells us to ask him for forgiveness?

Do you not know my God is ever-merciful?

Do you not know my God says do not judge?

Do you not know that my God is your God? The same God? Everyone's God?

Do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know?

I despair

Tears fall from these eyes

What happened to Islam

What happened to it

They focus on the outer

Totally neglect the inner

"Don't look at the hair on my head but look at this face caked in make-up"

"Don't grow your moustache over your lip,you'll go to hell"

"Don't pray with your foot bent like that, that's wrong, you can't pray like that, it won't be accepted"

DESPAIR

I have hope though

For He sent us the greatest example

And although they ignore the things most important about him 

I'll keep him alive

and pray that others will too

For the most important thing is to do good, be good and live good.

Right?

Sabah Ismail

01.12.14

Flawed Consciousness

Slice it open

Let it all pour out 

Like the rain from the clouds

But let your heart spill out

For You are the only One who will ever   understand 

Even I don't understand

As the tears pour from my eyes 

And my hands quiver

Raised in a perfect collaboration towards the skies

And still I don't understand

I just want to be healed

I want to be better

I just want to be the best version of me that is humanly possible

So that I can walk alongside You

Until I return to You

But I am a flawed human being

I guess that just makes me a human being

For I've made one too many mistakes

And sometimes my pride and ego consume me

I always have to be right

And sometimes I am envious

And sometimes I wish I was prettier/slimmer/better

Sometimes I am ungrateful

And many times I have been so very insecure...

But it is when I found myself broken and in pieces on the floor 

That I found myself knocking at Your door

And you found me lost

You guided me

But it is only now that I am truly aware of how I used to be

How I am

How the world is

I woke up

You gave me consciousness

This inner struggle is what's most difficult 

But I know that You will give me all the tools to enable ME to heal me

And sometimes I cry for no reason

And yet only You still understand why.

Sabah Ismail

27.11.14

Little Lizard Miracles

Miracles
You perform miracles
Every single day of my life
I begged You to guide me
and You did
To a path I never knew existed
But a path I now call home
But not really home
More like twists and turns and bumps in the road
More like bleeding hearts and broken soles/souls
But home
Because this is the path that will lead me to You
And you led us here
To this beautiful place
Filled with sunshine
Filled with love
A harmony and a peace between people
That I ain't seen for such a long time
Fills my heart with joy
Although tummy's been churning since we arrived
But we got here safely
And almost 2 weeks later
It's like we've never known anything else
Settling into another new temporary home
On this everlasting journey
But in this temporary life
And I see You everywhere
In the mountains I see Your power
In the sunsets I see Your stunning beauty
In the people I see You
I see me, I see everyone and everything
Because essentially isn't that what we all are?
A part of each other
Although apart from each other
Connected spiritually
We'll be together forever
For now I must sleep
While the boy sleeps
Pray for those little lizards to stay outside
But even if they come in, who am I to say anything
They were here first
and I'll soon be on my way
Further along the path
to reach You.

Sabah Ismail
10.10.14

Three of Us / #Ballin'

The three of us

It's always been the three of us

Just the three of us

And we'll make it if we try

Last time between these 4 walls

Memories made

Soon will fade

Into the new ones coming soon

Laughs and tears, and bearing of broken open souls

Gods work coming together under this roof

Late nights finishing orders

And other late nights in each other's arms

Bringing home our old friend

Into his first home

Seeing him grow, play, sit, crawl

Feeding him his first ever spoon fed meal

Crazy laughter playing with that little bear

Beautiful beautiful memories

Cherished in our hearts

Not in the physicalities of this world

Still chokes me up a little

But it's been amazing

And this is just the very beginning of our story

New adventures coming soon 

To a screen near you

Flat 1, 23A, it's been great

But you were never planned to last

And this is how long we were meant to be

Alhamdulillah to Him for everything He gave

Coming from nothing He gave us everything

Exactly what we needed

Pastures new

That chapter written

Moving forwards

With my 2 buddies by my side

My two 'white-wallers'

I'm #ballin'

Take a bow

The end

But the beginning.

25/10/13

Shrivelled Roots

Alone

But never alone

In a world so cold

Not cold

Shrivelling within

Need some water

Water my roots

Let me grow again

Wanting too much

Or wanting what's needed

Is it too much to ask 

Never too much to ask

He always listens

He always listens

Gave me what I needed

Not what I wanted

Not yet

Some days strong

Some days still strong but weak inside

They don't know

No-one knows

Everyday struggles

Everyday joys

Days like this I wanna roll up in a ball

Scream into my pillow

No one come running

Running

Running

Far away

Lost in thought

Lost in translation

Run towards the light

Envelop me I scream

Just want to be free

Free from myself more than anyone else

Just want to be free

17.10.14

Head Down / Light On

Little girl

Why so sad

This beautiful world is not all bad

Head down against the ground

The One that listens

He does not judge whether good or bad

Lay your head down

Speak to Him

He knows everything that hides within

A heavy heart

Eyes that bleed

Protecting you was my deed

I've let you down

Let them down

Do not worry

You shall be freed

Happy days aren't far away

Trust me when I say that

You can be everything

You are everything

And everything is there

Inside you

Flick a switch

Turn the light on

Suppressed anger

Turns to love

The world it will hurt you

Only if you let it

But do not break

Even when you sway

Even when you bend

Taught to be strong

From an age so young

A teacher called life 

Just for a short while

Here, then gone

Another life taken

Henning beheaded 

In the name of a God

Who doesn't want this

Using Islam to justify ISIS

Argh

This world 

It's people

The things that they do

What happened to wanting for your neighbour 

What you want for you

Still I smile

And you will too

You're more than my friend

I love you. 

Sabah Ismail

03.10.14

Flying Unicorns / Orange Bedsheets

I remember when I used to look at lightbulbs

I'd see starships

Look up at birds

I'd see flying unicorns

But it kinda disappeared and now I see orange bedsheets

And lost between those sheets 

Is me

I had a magic

a little spark of insanity

It's still in me

Somewhere deep inside

Suffocated 'cause it's out of reach

Where am I 

Where is me

He said to me

Be so strong that nothing can break me

Nothing can upset me

I'm strong

Strong like the hulk

But maybe not so green

But even that's something I gotta work on in me

And it's all a work

On mind, body, spirit and soul

Can I stand through it all

Sway

Bend

Never break?

Ah I see it coming back

I have to write, draw, read

Every single day

I need to feed my soul

To be freedom again

And maybe one day I'll be eating candyfloss again 

Atop the worlds highest, most glorious tree

Sabah Ismail

01.10.14