Rotting Wood

How can you go from feeling so high to so low

Don’t know

Just don’t know why sometimes I feel this way

Like I just want everything to go away

Including myself

But why think like this

When I have the knowledge to be present

In every single moment

And how can I type or even think

With two little beings around me all day

And I wonder how I’ll cope when the elders go away

And sometimes I’m just silent

I don’t know what to say

Life is so blessed but I miss where I was born

And I know it will take some time to adjust

But it’s just so different this time

Feeling frustrated

Lonely

A bit trapped

A L O N E 

But there is no one to blame in that

I have control over my life and my thoughts

So must become more powerful

Cut through them like a saw

Cuts through wood, rotten wood

Remember the days when I used to be so hood

I feel so different

Different to how I was back then

But that’s life

It changes

The past is forgotten

But there are parts of me that miss who I used to be

I had that little spark of insanity

Crazy ideas, but I knew what I meant

And on changing the world I was hell-bent

But then everything changed

Marriage and kids came along

Made me grey before my time

Although I know my genes play a part

Tomorrow I’ll probably feel good again

Maybe it’s the heat

Being in one place

Noone to visit or to go and see

No one to adorn

C R E A T I V E  B L O C K

Just want to scream

Or cry

Cry and die

Don’t want to leave them

I do think about it sometimes

I couldn’t do that

Not to them

Not to me

Have to accept and believe

That His plan is what is best for me.

Rotten Coloured Penguin

Scrolling, scrolling

Energy, life, laughter

C O L O U R

Sucked away

Like coke through a straw

Sucked in

Making you sick

Sugar rots your teeth

Rots your insides

R O T T E N

But the past

That me

Must be forgotten

I am here

Right here, right now

This is me

The only constant is change

And boi, have I changed

Grateful for it all

Yet a little lost too

On this everlasting journey

Of reaching You

Crazy dreams

Waking me up

Sweating

Wanting to reach out

But there's only me

I'm my own saviour

My own hero

Ain't no one being that for me

So I said a prayer

And cradled myself back to sleep

And it's happening again

Another uncle in pain

But I guess this is life

Just tests in different ways

May God give him ease

And ease for us all

Counting our blessings

Against white, white walls

I'm still a penguin

Somewhere deep inside

Ready to give my love to everyone that wants it

I cannot hide

I miss her so much

Never got to mourn

But what's to mourn

When love is eternal

I just miss her hugs and our goodbyes

My angel

My two angels

My three angels

Four

I pray one day we will reunite

Inside the gates of heavens door.

S.I.09.03.15

Black & White Wounds & Light

Not a single person

Knows, understands, feels

These past two years

Reaching out

Calling out

Everything out

Falls on deaf ears

An enemy to myself

Confused, lost, hung up

In a maze with no end

No way out

In my head

Black and white

Wounds and lights

It's all there

The only One left is Him

So I call to Him

Answering my prayers

In gifts wrapped with thorns

I chose this path

I chose this way

There is no going back

I want so much more than this

I want to be free of want

I want to feel all my sorrows

And cry all of my tears

But laugh all of my laughter

Smile all my smiles

And embrace all my joys

To know that, I must let Love in

Everyday is a healing process

It's making me better

All of this

The struggles, hurt, pain

It's making me better

I have to remember that

The human process is all of this

I am not my skin

I am my soul 

Even though it feels like there is no one that understands

I have Him

I have Him 

I have Him

The only one I have ever really needed

The only one I ever really want to need.

S.I.07.03.15

Martin's Dream on Chapel Hill

Martin had a dream

I have a dream

Don’t we all dream

But who makes their dreams a reality

I dream of peace

And a world of truth

Not this bullshit media

Who like to lie and accuse

But I don’t blame them

I blame those above them

An agenda where money is at the root of it all

Where money is the reason they kill

Where some lives are more sacred then others

Because what matters is how much money they can get

How much oil they can steal

How many people they can brainwash

And how many people they can divide

Divide and then conquer

It breaks my heart

Arr Eye Pee

To those innocent three

In North Carolina, killed for no reason

Is it a crime to be Muslim

Is it a crime to want peace, to want freedom

You see, I’m trying to change myself everyday

I see us as one, the whole human race

You’re no different to me except from your face

We bleed the same and we cry the same

Yet you’re falling for their game

Their trap where they ensnare you

Wrap you up as bait in their screwed up web of lies

But you have a choice my friend

You HAVE THE CHOICE

Instead of sitting down every night to watch TV

Research and educate yourself

Set yourself free

Don’t let them dictate to you who you should love and who you should hate

This isn’t even about that

Don’t fight violence with violence

Or fire with fire

Don’t fight at all

Douse it with water

Be an alternative

Be the change

I’m starting with me and then I’ll take on the world

Hold my hand, I know it’s brown

But brown is the colour of chocolate and chocolate is good

Walk with me

I’m treading on the path to save humanity.

Rooftop Strangers

When it feels like your mind has taken too much

Been through too much

To ever come back from it

And all of a sudden you're stuck in this hole

Screaming silently inside

Don't take me under, don't take me under

Don't make a noise though

Don't wake them up

Accept and move forward

Karma

Is it deserved? Was it deserved?

She opened my eyes to so much

Up on that african rooftop

Let it out

I let it out

Was my voice a stranger to me

Seems like I am a stranger to me

But the book I'm reading right now

Says to find yourself you must lose yourself completely

And I've definitely done the latter

So where am I

And who am I

But don't ever question why

Because this is all what it's meant to be

And these things are to strengthen me

And no matter who tries to break me

Even if it's the ones closest to me

I will not fall

No I will not fall

I will be the eye of the storm

I will be the middle path

I will be acceptance and forgiveness 

I will be consciousness

Just bear with me

While I try and take this weight off my mind first.

SI 19.01.15

D E S P A I R

The one who was closest

Judged me the most

Left when needed 

World upside down

Broken, broken

Do friends do that

I wouldn't know

No-one left close

Need no fakeness

Be polite, keep it civil

No need for much more

Follow a religion

Follow the rules

Worshipping out of fear

And not out of love

Where does that leave you

I'd rather love Him more than anything

And follow the essence

Than fake pray 5 times a day

To prevent me from burning in hell

To these people they're stacking 'em up

And stacking and stacking

It's all a game

Whoever gets most will go to the highest heaven

Do a sin

You deserve to be stoned

And you'll burn in hell

Do you not know my God is Love?

Do you not know my God is mercy?

Do you not know my God tells us to ask him for forgiveness?

Do you not know my God is ever-merciful?

Do you not know my God says do not judge?

Do you not know that my God is your God? The same God? Everyone's God?

Do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know?

I despair

Tears fall from these eyes

What happened to Islam

What happened to it

They focus on the outer

Totally neglect the inner

"Don't look at the hair on my head but look at this face caked in make-up"

"Don't grow your moustache over your lip,you'll go to hell"

"Don't pray with your foot bent like that, that's wrong, you can't pray like that, it won't be accepted"

DESPAIR

I have hope though

For He sent us the greatest example

And although they ignore the things most important about him 

I'll keep him alive

and pray that others will too

For the most important thing is to do good, be good and live good.

Right?

Sabah Ismail

01.12.14

Flawed Consciousness

Slice it open

Let it all pour out 

Like the rain from the clouds

But let your heart spill out

For You are the only One who will ever   understand 

Even I don't understand

As the tears pour from my eyes 

And my hands quiver

Raised in a perfect collaboration towards the skies

And still I don't understand

I just want to be healed

I want to be better

I just want to be the best version of me that is humanly possible

So that I can walk alongside You

Until I return to You

But I am a flawed human being

I guess that just makes me a human being

For I've made one too many mistakes

And sometimes my pride and ego consume me

I always have to be right

And sometimes I am envious

And sometimes I wish I was prettier/slimmer/better

Sometimes I am ungrateful

And many times I have been so very insecure...

But it is when I found myself broken and in pieces on the floor 

That I found myself knocking at Your door

And you found me lost

You guided me

But it is only now that I am truly aware of how I used to be

How I am

How the world is

I woke up

You gave me consciousness

This inner struggle is what's most difficult 

But I know that You will give me all the tools to enable ME to heal me

And sometimes I cry for no reason

And yet only You still understand why.

Sabah Ismail

27.11.14